A successful get-together is one where both of you had a great deal of fun and excitement. Shared experiences that elicit strong emotions have a bonding effect. These emotions should be centered around excitement, novelty, and fun. A series of successful outings like this where bonding has occurred, should break the stalemate that she is currently feeling. Remember my previous suggestions about making an effort at being sexually attractive to her. Avoid needy, desperate, or clingy behavior. Be upbeat and self assured. Get some new clothing that enhances your appearance. People do this in preparation for a job interview where there is no guaranty of landing the job. The same kind of effort should be expended for your love life as well.

If she isn’t open to this, then you should seriously consider moving on. If she’s not open to your input and prefers to figure it all out on her own in spite of the fact that she is stuck, then that is her problem. Extreme independence can cause a person to disregard inputs from others and a healthy relationship requires this input.

Smothering behavior, desperate pleas, saying “I love you”, and telling her you will do anything during a breakup makes you less attractive to her. Doing this also has a devaluation effect on you. For women, masculine behavior is an important component in attraction. Masculine behavior does not mean being a jerk. This is a myth that I plan to completely dispel in a future post on this blog. So avoid any behavior that makes you seem soft and overly compliant.

Make a list of all of the qualities that she found attractive about you. Decide which of these is appropriate to display in your interactions with her.

One thing that is working in your favor is that you have a fairly long relationship history with her. Hopefully there were lots good times for both of you. This means she has plenty of good memories about you which may explain her continued contact with you. If you can think of ways of triggering these memories such as when she says something that allows you to say “remember when we etc.”. There may be more subtle ways for you to do this but it depends on the particulars of your relationship with her.

I think it wouldn’t hurt to remember her birthday and other anniversaries by sending a card. Real cards work better than ecards. You are probably familiar with the things in life that she values or has interest in. If you happen upon a picture or article on that topic, then by all means send it to her. This is a way of SUBTLY telling her that you are still thinking of her. On the other hand, sending things that are overtly romantic like love letters, chocolates, and flowers is a dangerous thing to do because she will interpret this as desperation.

These suggestions should help regardless of the particulars of your situation. Good luck.

You shouldn’t contact her during the agreed upon break. When she contacts you and asks how you are feeling, don’t tell her about your depression or that life isn’t the same without her because this usually doesn’t work. It’s a turn off. I get plenty of comments from women describing their ex’s desperate behavior as “acting like babies” (their words not mine).

You should think about your past broken promises. Which of these hurt her the most? Was there a particular promise that you keep breaking repeatedly? Think of ways you could improve the relationship. Your insights into this will help when the month long break is over.

If you were the free spirit type, wanting to see what adventures the world has to offer, your priorities would be focused on doing this, not on preserving your current relationship. You can try telling your girlfriend that you want to see the world with her but she may see this as clingy behavior, your not wanting to let her go.