Twelve Signs That Your Ex wants You Back

hi my name is nik and i just broke up with my girlfriend 3 weeks ago i we had our ups and downs she gave me some chances 1st i wrecked her car the 1st week or so we were together then i had a addition problem after my surgerys and she kind of forgave me for all of them but about 3 months ago i lost my job and i have been searching for a new one but i felt like a loser around her and didnt want to talk about it at all nor be around anyone we talked everyday and told each other we loved each other and stuff like that but she felt that i thought she was ugly and fat and all those things and she is not any of those at all i love her with all my heart and i am trying to show her that i have contacted via text messages thats all and she awnsers bac very nicely but how do i get her back without smoothering her in any way and i asked her out to dinner and she just said no its to soon i am sorry so she is being really nice how do i do this because it is killing me down deep

hi i broke up with my gf just yesterday and ive come here seeking some help. We had been together since dec 08 and on jan 18th i moved into her house with her! Pretty quick yeh i know but we were so in love with each other and we were talking about getting married and everything. Life was great i tell you. We did so much together. She has two kids from a previous marriage, one boy age 6 and the daughter 3. I have a 9 yr old son from a previous marriage so i am a good father for her kids. I think the relationship failed cause i moved in with her too fast and i was only there for a month. So 4 mths later we have broken up, she told me she still had loving thoughts of her ex whom she divorced two years ago!
As i was leaving she was still saying i love you and hugging and kissing me, crying, the whole thing so i think she wants me, still i don’t know…
She is 27, im 34. How long should i wait to rekindle the flame or is it not going to work at all? Please help

Hi, my girlfriend broke up with me 3 days ago for the second time. We have been dating for about 16 months and have been very intimate and close. Unfortunately, we were very dependent on each other and very possessive. Our relationship lasted like that but although we did less and less of being dependent and obsessing, we were more impatient. We still loved each other but one day, just because of a little obsession, my girlfriend exploded at me and said she does not want to do this anymore. She told me that she wanted to do so much with her life but felt constrained when she was in a relationship. Meaning, she wanted to travel, help people, go on church missions etc. I was always willing to support her but she had lost her patience completely. When she broke up with me, I constantly did the DO NOTS and always called her up. This lasted about 1 months as our longest time not spoken was 3 days on and off. Most recently, she called me up and told me about one of her problems and ended with a note “I love you.” Few days later, we went out on a date and although at first we were quiet, we broke it down into tears and spent a wonderful day back together as bf/gf. Unfortunately, although i felt that she did not want to rush this, I thought it was okay. For the next 3 days, we spent great times together smiling and laughing and we did get really intimate. After those 3 days, it was time she had to go on a 1 week trip w/ her friends. I wished her a good time and waited. During that week, I felt kinda happy that I felt more relaxed and less possessive. At the same time, I didn’t also miss her too much besides the fact that she wasn’t replying back to my email. However, when she did come back, we got into a small bitter argument real soon. Just when that happened, she exploded again and said “I don’t think I missed you and we did not miss each other at all.” We talked afterward and she told me that while she has bought souvenirs for her friends and family, she forgot to buy me one. She also mentioned that she never wanted to be in a relationship right now yet she had no option but to get back after the date…and kind of blamed me. I was in shock…did not know how to respond to that and we just hung up. I called her again to ask her why she was being like this and AGAIN, she treated me with her cold attitude, rudeness and constantly told me to go away and that i was being annoying. At one point, she had used profanity against me. The following evening, I texted her that we’ll be done for good, the way she wanted it. She replied back that she hoped that I understood that right now although she loved me, she did not want to be in a relationship. I could never understand that part…But anyways, the next day i had to go pick up my ipod that I had lent her for the trip. She told me that she left it in her front porch and also told me that she left something there for me. My mind was set and did not want to take anything of hers. I acted so desperate and without dignity the ENTIRE 1month period we broke up and got back that i wanted to show some dignity. When i got there, she had left me a pair of woven mittens but of course, i left it there. Sometimes, I think that maybe she was lying that she did not buy me anything from Peru but despite that…I don’t know what to do. Knowing this girl inside out, she would never be the girl to not miss me. Bu since she was being so cold and defensive while constantly telling me to go away, I am convinced that she does not miss me anymore. What do you think? Do you think I should just move on and stop being clingy? I have not called her the past 2 days and I just want a decent and reasonable answer…please help.

Hi, my girlfriend broke up with me a few weeks ago, we had been together for well over a year and everything was going great, then all of a sudden so dropped the bomb of i need some time and space ive got so much going on and i cant cope with it all… i need to be alone. I had in the weeks before the break up tried to get her to talk to me about what she was feeling and going through but she always use to respond with im fine ect almost saying you dont really seem to care. We had small minor problems like every couple do, shes in a good job and has decent money, while ive travelled the world and been to uni, and for the last few months ive been stuck in a dead end job, while she has suggested shes ready to get her own place ect. Im in no position to do that and i get the impression she seems to think i lack motivation in going places with my life, when i want the same goals as her. She has spoken to me very often after we broke up, but I know deep down that she still loves and i just dont want to walk away from her as i really believe she is the women for me. any suggestions or help would be great. I really love this girl and i dont want the great journey we have been through to come to an end, when we had so much to do.

Me and my ex tom dated a few yrs ago. he dumped me twice. we got along good but then we just kept fighting. i am now with a guy named david who treats me better than ne1 ever has. we have been together for half a yr. but my ex tom recently told me he still loves me and wants 2 b with me. Tom did this to me in the past. i dated this kid peter after me and tom broke up. peter ended up dumping me after 9 months. we broke up bc peter just lost his feelings for me. i felt bad being unfaithful 2 peter. peter never knew tho.. but i never kissed tom on the lips or more. it was just lik me kissing toms neck or sumthing stupid. ive done that behind davids back 2. but if lik kissing on the neck cheating? idk =// i didnt mean 2. i feel rly bad n i cnt help it and im confused. i hate that tom does this wen im taken. he told me 2 move on then he changes his mind. but i kno its bc he gets jealous. idk wut to do. i kno i still have feelings for my ex tom tho….

Hi, My names Peter and ive just recently split from my girlfriend of a year a few weeks ago and have found it really hard as not have i just lost my girlfriend, ive lost a very good friend too! We had been friends since school and we just fell in love with each other as time went on, and we decided to give the relationship a go. Everything was going well, until i just recieved a txt one night saying that she needed some space as she had alot to deal with and couldnt cope with it all. Shes recently started a new job and there are problems going on within her family and all the stress has just built up on her. Ive tried to get her to talk about it, but she never said much… and ive recently learned from mutual friends that she didnt feel i was being supportive of her. I felt let down by this as she has been there for me through tough periods and she shuts me out when she should be needing me the most. Ive spoke to her once since and got very little out of her, I gave it 2-3 weeks before i tried to make contact with her again and all the response i get now is that im a fab guy and she loves me, but she says she cant cope with someone in her life at the moment. I dont just want to walk away from this great girl, she has everything a guy looks for in a women. Ive just found it really hard that we going so well one day and then the next day everything had gone even the friendship. If she didnt care for me in a relationship sort of way know, i could take it as i know you cant force someone to be with you, but shes also throwen the friendship out to. I find hard to understand and even more so that i was going to propose to this girl later this year. We had a few problems but they werent major it was mainly to do with the time we spent together… she works earlys and i do nights, but we had the weekends together. This seemed to work really well because we really valued the time we spent with each other. The last month we were together she started to get annoyed that i was a little short of money at the end of the months, but this was simply down to me saving for a engagement ring. I have some really mixed emotions about whats happen and all i want is to hold this girl in my arms again. Do you think i should tell her about what i was planning to do? or is it just best to be left alone?

Hi, I am in a steady passionate relationship with a girl of my class for the last five years and are planning to get married early next year. The talks with both the families are through and both the families are very happy and contended with the relationship. But in Feb, 2009 I came to know that she was having some doubts about the relationship (basically her sister informed me as she felt something was wrong). I subtly asked her about this, at first she told nothing like that but slowly she opened up and I came to know that her feelings for me has diminished an that she does not love me the way she did or the way I did. I was horrified by this as it was a bolt from the blue and all my plans were already in very advanced changes. I would like to mention that we stay in different cities and often used to fight on trivial issues and I used to get into a fit of anger. But we immediately used to patch up and say sorry to each other and everything used to be fine. She told me that she was getting the feeling that we are not compatible and these fights were the reason that she was feeling less love for me. I tried to solve the situation and realised my mistake that I was wrong it getting angry in a wrong way and apologised to her and promised that I will not repeat the same again. We love each other very much and share a deep relationship. So I thought that it will get ok and even went to visit her to apologise and sort things out. But though she was with me I could sense a deep resentment for the relationship but she was very nice and assured me that everything will be alright if I give sometime. I agreed and told her that though I love her profoundly and things have gone so far with both the families involved, I will not go ahead with the marriage if she continues to feel like it. On this she said that no two thoughts about marriage and that we will go ahead with it and that she will get ok. I left her city hoping that things will get alright but I sense the opposite. We used to talk everyday on the phone and still do. But I have seen marked changes in the way she talks to me and feels cold, irritated or busy all the time. Though she always calls me up I feel as if it just a formality. Earlier she used to talk very passionately and energetically but now I have noticed that she is always tired or is just talking general things without any passion. If I bring up the issue of informing my family she gets very irritated and tells that everything will get alright and she will marry me. I am not able to understand this behaviour. Is she marrying me only due to social pressure as I feel that she does not love me the way she used to. If this is the situation please tell me what should I do as I am in a fix. All the marriage preparations are going full swing from the family side but how can I go ahead if the internal situation within us in so tense and how I can be at peace with myself. Please help and suggest.

Thanks a ton!i really appreciate!

Hi, Me and my wife of 16 years separated in the last 2 weeks. we were the perfect couple no one saw it coming including me. we had alot of pressure from helping other people and people living with us. She told me she still loves me and said she will never find someone as good as me but she has a overwheling need to be independent that she feels like something is missing. any help is appreciated

My girlfriend an i were together for 5 years but it has been a very difficult time for me trying to understand what it takes to make a relationship work and she always thought i should know these things but somtimes i had a har time trying to figure her out. Then i started to stray and i was unfaithful to her and she figured out that i was cheating on her i pleaded with her to give me another chance and she finally did and this time i was not unfaithful but i was dishonest with her. She gave me another chance and i did everything i could to make it work but she would always tell me that i was not being honest and i would play games with her and i had no idea what she was talking about. She finally told me to lose her number and not to bother her. Fact is i finally realized what lov really is and how i really felt about her but it’s too late i think?

I never figured out exactly what she always meant by me playing games. I honestly had no idea what she meant by that or was it all the scaring from the past. I am sure i should just let her go and be on her own for a while but where do you go from here?

Just recently my girlfriend of 6 years packed her things and moved out of our house with our children. I feel totally lost and all alone. She finally had it with me, i’m not the overly sensitive type and i must admit i was the greatest guy to be around.She stuck by me through everything, job loss etc. For the first 3 years of our relationship i never showed i cared or loved her according to her but she bent over backwards for me and was always there. But regardless,i took everything out on her and after awhile all we did was fight.

She was the perfect woman and mother, i knew all along i loved her, i just didn’t show it.All she asked for was the small things like cuddling in bed and watching a movie or holding her hand in public…i never did that. For the past few months i saw the errors of my ways and tried to change but i think it was to late.Now she moved out and lives a few blocks away with the kids, she still calls,texts and comes around to drop the kids off or asks for money, once in awhile we will still have sex too. I give her everything i got because i love her and she knows i’ll say yes.

When she was here yesterday i had a letter written out for her, roses for Valentines day and a card…it brought her to tears, she cried right in my lap and told me “I love you, and im sorry about all this and hurting you. Its not easy for me either but i dont know what to do right now and i dont know if we will ever get back together”.

She also said i made her hurt and feel like crap for a long time and now i feel and understand what she felt and went through. Just last year she admitted to me that she did have a one night stand with some guy and apologized for it (give her credit for being truthful).You know what they say “Treat your woman right before another man does”

I forgave her for that and it only happened one time and i felt it was my fault it happened (thats not like her to sleep around)

My thing is can i get her back? im trapped in a living hell and feel like less a man without my family here and all of us together. Just this morning she came over here with our kids so we could all have Valentines Day breakfast together…i love seeing her and being around her but it hurts at the same time because i realize what i lost.

She’s given me so many chances to prove i would change and now that i know what its like to live without her i have truly changed (doubt she believes it though)…i just dont know how to save or fix this relationship and bring my family back home.

Any help or friendly advice would be greatly appreciated

Thanks for the words. I’m trying not to let my anger and hurt get in the way. I’m 33 and shes 29 so we’re both adults. i just hope sooner or later she wakes up and sees that theres more at stake here then just another relationship.

I’m just worried that the longer we’re apart the easier it will be for her to forget about it. I talked to her last night and all she would say is “Give me space, i have to want to come home” i’m just holdin on to hope and prayers.

Another question i would like some advice on is: Even though we’re broken up i still do everything for her, give her money take her out etc. does a woman see this as pathetic and desperate to the point where she will just take advantage of the man doing it (after all she did leave me) or do they see it as a kind gesture or just as a man being sweet? Don’t want to smother her or kill her with kindness or look pathetic but i do want to continue to do everything in my power for her and our kids.

Hello, I’m hoping you can help me with this.
My ex and I have been together for 7.5 yrs, we’re both 25 years old now. We broke up about 2 months ago, and no communication for the last 6 weeks. I guess what makes me so confuse is that he seems to act like he loves me, wants to get married, and yet he ended things. I have to apologize because this post is all over the place, like mind is at the moment.
His my 1st bf and I’m his 3rd (both girls dumped him but he didn’t seem to care). I was quiet,serious and smart, and he was smart, vocal and funny. Some of our problems previously included him not knowing how to act like a bf (ie flowers, phone calls), exaggerating/lying to me about his life, and cutting himself (he was depress and thought about suicide). We were able to get through those and be happy. I always thought we love each other.
Our families have been asking us when we are going to get married. It was an unavoidable subject, during our numerous conversations about buying a house together and kids, I mentioned that I am hoping to get married after I finish grad school but I want to be engage for 2 years so we don’t rush anything (I am 3 sems away from graduating).
About 2-3 yrs ago I found out that he asked a friend to help him get an engagement ring. Then I went out of state for school and comes back home for vacation. From then on there were so many instances where he would hint and talk to me about proposing but nothing happened. When people asked about it or when I would joke about it he would say when I am finish with school, after he buys a house, him wanting it to be a surprise, not long distance, saving money for the wedding, etc I thought his reasons were valid so I was patient. About 3 months ago..he hinted that a few months from now we may be engage. He seems so genuinely excited so I believed him and told him that there’s no need for him to keep hinting. If he wants to propose then he should just do it. I didnt like how he keeps me excited then nothing.
When I got back for winter vacation he was excited to see me and stayed at my house for two days. Then we went to London to pay respect to his friend (the friend ended his life a year ago). During that time people at the hotel called me his wife so he asked me how it feels like. I told him it felt weird because I still feel a bit young. I jokingly proposed to him. He asked me “where is my ring?” . We just laughed at that. we did have our quarrels because we were both tired, couldn’t sleep, and the inefficient airport (which made him complain so loud to anyone who would listen…I just ignored him). When we came back he went back to work right away. We didn’t see each other for a week and only minimal communication. When I fnally get to see him after that week he broke up with me. He seems a bit peeved at that time because I didn’t see or contact him as much during the week. All he said was that he does not want to be unfair to me, and that he does not love me. When I asked for explanation he listed numerous things (ie feeling of being held back by me, falling behind or ahead of him when walking) but cut himself off by saying that maybe he is just making excuses. He still wants us to be friends and that I am his best friend. I didn’t cry in front of him but accepted the break up. We went to his place so I can pick my stuff. I took our picture off the wall, but he said he’ll keep it because it is a “good picture”. when I was finally done, I sat next to him and he hugged me, he even laid his head on my stomach and we laid down holding each other. Still, he was set on breaking up so I left thinking that that would be last time we see each other. He was going to give me a blackberry phone a few days from then but I texted him and told him to keep the phone. I didn’t talk to him for a week except for sending him our pictures. A week after that, I went to his house to pick up something. He wasn’t home so I waited. When he came back he told me he just got hit by a car and I accidentally locked my keys inside so I stayed at his house for a bit. Gave him a back massage telling him that this may be the last time I get to show how much I care, and in turn he gave me a head massage. I had my eyes closed when he was massaging my head so he gave me little kisses all over my face (except my lips). We held each other for a while and I thought I saw a tear fell. I was able to ask him what makes him think that he does not love me because to me his actions were very confusing. All he said was that he has doubts and the doubts are strong enough. After he said that he shut me off and would not say anything any more.
Please let me know what you think and if there’s still a chance…thank you.

Hi Thank you for the feedback. I hope everything is good where you are. You are right, but it’s just difficult for me right now. I just feel like we could have matured together you know. But I know he’s a free spirited person who likes to socialize a lot and I guess by me being the opposite holds him back even though I really try not to. Even though I am far from him I probably still in some way unconsciously limit him from the things he wants to do. I am in the process of letting him go. I haven’t talk to him for awhile now. About the whole marriage thing…I asked my self that and I agree that even a few months ago I would have said we are not ready because I’m still in school and financially unstable. However, I always thought that marriage is the right thing for the two of us but just not right now. Oh well, that relationship is over…I guess marriage for the two of us now or a few years from now is totally out of the question. =) Thank you again!

Hi, my girlfriend of 2 yrs dumped me two days ago. She told me that she was confused about things and wasn’t too sure if she wanted to be in a relationship at this point in her life and that she wished that we were together when she was more mature and wa ready. She said she doesn’t know what will happen and that breakin up with me was the hardest decision she’s ever had to make. However, earlier in the day before the break-up I asked why she had been so distant and asked her if it might be because she had feelings for someone else. She told me she might have feelings for a guy she has only been talking to for about 2 weeks. This killed me because she didn’t even know him. She just hung out with him a couple times. So I said if you really want us to work out you should stop talking to and seeing this person, because in my mind pursuing someone while you’re already in a relationship is damn close to cheating. Anyways she said that she would have to talk to him first and think about it. So they talke and she got back to me saying that she doesn’t feel like she should be in a relationship at this time blah blah blah. I was so upset. And now she’s really sad that she hurt my feelings and said maybe one day we can be together. But deep down I think she will just end up pursuing this guy cause they talk all the time and see each other a lot. He says he’s there for her and that she’s going through a rough time and he will always be there. This just makes me feel worse cause now she’s vulnerable and this guy she doesn’t even know is goin to act all caring and loving because he has a chance of getting something out of it. All he is is a homewrecker. I jus want to know what I should do, we haven’t talked in a day, I’m going to continue with the no contact and maybe shell realize that I am what she wanted. Obviously I’m going to prepare for the worst. Also do you think everything she said was just to eaze the blow on me cause she really did have feelings for him but didn’t want to make me feel like she was leaving me for someone else? Or do you think she genuinly means what she said? I will not look at her the same if she starts dating this guy because than everything she said was a lie. What should I do? Also sorry for the lengthy message, I really tried too keep it short.

Hi, my wife and I have been together for almost 9 years. we are both 28. She is in the military. About two years ago she told me she wants to be alone and that she sees me as a friend. I tried a lot to get her not to leave, and eventually after a few months she stayed. her reasons were that she just wanted to be alone and see what its like since we have been together since she has lived with her mother. Then we got back to being focused on each other and things were going great. She got deployed and now she is telling me the same story. She says she wants get her own place and get away from everything. She told me that I am inportant to her, but she sees me as a friend she has known and loved for a long time. She doesnt want to pretend that we are ok. She said the she was sure what she wanted last time but stayed because we have been together for a long time and didnt want to throw it out the window without being sure. She felt good about our relationship but not confident in it. She wants to remain friends and tells me I can count on her for anything. I really dont understand because things were going so great.

I am very grateful for your reply and your insight. I think i understand better my situatn. Even so i do know that deep down she would like me to be very close. Now, she is still deployed and will not be back in about a month and a half. I want to do the letter thing but it takes a long time for her to receive it. The only way we have been talking since the whole thing started has been through email. How do i go about this? Should i take the time and not write to her at all and then when she returns home act? I am somewhat clueless as to what to do since everyone else has their partner in their neighborhood as opposed to another country. I truly appreciate the help you guys give.

thanks for the response. unfortunatelly for me, i dont have marriage counselors around. only psychologists. i wrote her a letter with no gimmicks or anything negative. She responded by saying she sees me as best friends who live together and enjoy each others company, but it isnt working and wants to move out. she hopes that with time i accept it and move on. she said we can sit down and talk about anything but to try and change her mind. and that she will take care of any charges from any paper work as long as i accept. i understand that the time appart from the deployment will affect us. how do i go on from here? i am relaxed and calm. its gonna be one month for her to return. should i not contact her at all for the next month? i know we were doing good and we were happy before she left. and i was going to work on more things to make things even better, but her leaving got in the way. and i still was going to do it but when she came back, but now i have this.

i have only written to her the letter. i havent bombarded her with any other messages or anything.

Hi, my X and I broke up about 3mos ago and she has a boyfriend. Now I take it my situation may be a lil different because it is with another female. We didn’t have a bad break up and we still remain friends. Our break up was because she always said she wanted to end up with a guy and not a female. I am the only woman that she has been with, but I on the other hand I have been with others. I am 35 yrs old and only discovered this about myself about a year and half ago. This was after my seperation from my husband of 17yrs.
I never thought I could fall for someone else much less a woman. I had a wall up and was determined to keep it that way. Well, she tore my wall down and I fell for her.
When she broke up with me it was because she got a boyfriend. Yes, it hurt me, BUT I let it be because I know its what she wanted. She gave so much more than a man has ever given me and she has told friends, her current boyfriend and has posted on facebook that I she is thankful to have me in her life and that she thanks God for putting me in her life and that I treat her like a QUEEN.
I have given her, her space and don’t bother her at all. I don’t call, text, email, etc. She is the one that will call, text, etc. She has been with this guy the same amount of time that we have been broken up and still til this day she has told me how much she cares for me and how much she loves me. She has cheated on her boyfriend with me twice.
I love this woman and have proven it to her time and time again. She even says there is no doubt in her mind how much I love her.
My thing is ………. how do I or are there even possibilities of us getting back together?
Reason I was ok with her breaking up with me and getting a boyfriend is because I need to know for sure what she wants. She says she has always wanted to end up with a guy but then again she never imagined being with a female. She said that she has had a couple of moments here and there where she was drunk and females hit on her. So she will try to get into it, but it always grossed her out. BUT with me…….. she said she didn’t know what it was that attracted her to me. That ever since I started talking to her… I messed with her head and her sexuality. No not because of flirting because I never flirted with her because I didn’t know that about her. She said with me she was ok being with ME and nothing ever grossed her out! One thing I should tell you as well is that………when this happened between her and I…… she made the first move. She was the first to say she loved me as well. I just don’t get if I treated it her the way she deserved to, then why let it go? Also, her boyfriend and her have broken up several times in this time period and are constantly fighting. What do I do? How do I fix this? PLEASE HELP

I’m sorry but might I add a few things as well……… her boyfriend knows about us and hates the fact that she still keeps in contact with me. He also throws me in her face everytime they get into an argument. I hate that he does that because I have left her alone and have let them be. She has also cut off some contact with me because like she says, she doesn’t want to fight with him anymore. When I say contact I mean she doesn’t call or text me like she use to. Which is hard for me as well, BUT I can deal with it because like I said….. I want her to figure things out on her own. I want her to see the difference in a guy and a woman. I want that if she were to ever come back……. that it would be because she wants to be with me……. IDK what else to do
I also go out and have fun. I’m not a home moping or sad. YES, I have my days BUT I still go out with friends and have fun. AGAIN, PLEASE HELP

We also got into a a lil argument and didn’t talk for about a week. It was just a misunderstanding because of some postings on Facebook. She started to get ugly on there and jsut said all kinds of ugly things towards me. IT hurt me and bothered me so I just de-activated my account because I don’t like fighting or arguing. I hate it and wil avoid it as much as possible. So on that day that I de-activated my account…….all her postings were ugly and she even said things like she didn’t have time for me and that when I got my crap together maybe we could chit chat again. And for me to quit acting like the victim. Now I know exactly how she gets when she is angry and it ain’t pretty. That’s why I just de-activated the account to avoid anything getting uglier. So on that same day that I de-activated the account………. She ends up requesting me at 1AM in the morning……. to play a game that we use to play. It was 1AM and after all the ugly things she told me…… she wants to request me? WHY?
We still didn’t talk til this past Friday…….. which she called on her own. We talked for over an hour and straightened things out. She told me that I needed to quit letting my friends get in my head. That I am easily influenced by them. That they can’t relate to what we had because our situation was different than theirs. She also said that I should KNOW what was REAL and what we had was real. To quit letting ppl tell me that she doesn’t love me or that she doesn’t care about me. She said not a day goes by that she doesn’t think about me and that just because she isn’t with me doesn’t mean that she doesn’t want to be with me. It’s just that I’m not a guy and ultimately she wants to end up with a guy. I know these are really long and I’m sorry but I’m in need of some help. THANKS

Thanks Marc! I appreciate everything you just said. My question is…….. So do you think I should just let her go? Just forget about what could be? I mean like I said before, I have left her alone because I want her to decide for herself……… BUT is there no chance of us getting back together…….. ever?
And as I mentioned before I do go out and have fun because I’m not gonna be at home just moping around and sad.
Could it also be that she hasn’t seen me with someone else either and knows I’m not with anyone.
IDK, it’s so hard and I miss her.

Are there steps I could take to getting her back?

Hi, I really hope that u can help as Im feeling very confused at the moment. I met my girlfriend 8 months ago at work and slowly got to know her until we got together a couple of months ago. Things had been going fantastically until she went to stay at her sisters house where her sisters asked if she was seeing me and told her they felt I was too old for her so she just kept quiet. Im 31 and shes nearly 24. Until this point she said she really liked me and we talked for hrs…. usually initiated by her by I always gave her my best. The day after she came back home she told me I’ve done nothing wrong, she still really likes me physically and mentally but she wants to break up as her family may not approve of our age difference in the long run and so its better to end it now. I told her that we should enjoy what we have for now and deal with these issues once we know how we feel about our long term but she said ‘no’ and told me she wants to be friends. That was last monday and all of last week she was calling me and talking almost as if nothing had changed (she was ill) and we met on friday and had a really nice day. Then over the weekend she withdrew with minimal texts and no phone calls. What do u think is happening and do u feel I have any chance of getting her back? I feel very sad about the fact that I didnt truly get to give this the best chance possible and that she was potentially a v long term partner. Thank you very much.

Thank you very much Marc. I agree completely with what you have said and have kept cool and civil throughout without venting my frustrations or attacking her families views. Like you say, the difference isnt massive and with time becomes less and less significant. How do I get her to see this though? Or should I let her realise herself? Shes said only this week that she loves hanging with me and doesnt feel an age difference when we are together. I spoke to her a couple of days ago and, on an unrelated matter, she said how because shes the youngest of 4 sisters she finds it difficult to assert her opinions/be taken as an adult and so is still viewed as a kid of sorts. Additionally 2 of her sisters are my kinda age which doesnt help. Ne ideas on how I can make her realise our ages are close enough and its worth a chance? Also, because its been quite short term I dont really want to retract completely yet and stay in the picture so I can continue to show my qualities. Even now she asks my advice on stuff. Am I approaching this right?

Now im not gonna write a whole lot about my recent break up but longs story short. Been together 1 year and a few months. Break up because she was in a “dry spell” as she says and we “needed to grow up” and she also admitted she wasn’t appreciating me as she should have.. Loss of affection and attention within the last two weeks when she recently hooked up with her old female best friend(she doesn’t go both ways.). We were the closest thing to perfect we have ever gotten to. Here two weeks later, she texts me telling me she wants to talk when we are both ready, her claiming she wasn’t quite ready herself. She still cares and claims that we could still be good friends but im stuck in the middle now. Im on the verge of “aghh i dont give a *** anymore” and “Ughhhh i want her back!”.. idk what to do or think. Any advice or different point of view will help. Thanks!

Hi Marc,
My problem is that my ex-partner and i have been seperated now for over 3.5 years but we have a daughter the same age and so we are constant contact because i want to be a present father to my daughter.
We broke up due to my sex and love addiction which i confessed to after I had hit bottom and realised i had a problem, not suprisingly we split up which was also when my daughter was a few weeks old; very traumatic experience for us both.
We have both worked on ourselves extensively since and I have probably progressed further than she simply because i have had more time by myself as she is the main carer for my daughter.
During this time our relationship has been very stressful, which it was during our time together as active addicts, well me more so than her, although we both have problems with alcohol (i am nearly 3 years sober, she still drinks occasionally) however, in the last 3 months, i have noticed a calming overall and we recently talked about how we felt for each other.
Well, she bought up the subject then seemed to then be reluctant to talk about a possibility of us reconciling, I said that i was ready for a relationship after learning a lot about what i wanted and didnt want after recently getting carried away and proposing marriage to a girl at work whom i had been seeing for a month ( i know it seems crazy when i read it back, too)
Thing is she is constantly picking me up on things i have said or done, when i feel i am trying to be a friend at least and help her with practical things as well as listen to her emotional stuff.
I am mixed up in my feelings and dont know whether i want her back because iam attracted to her apparent unavailability or that she is sending me female signals like getting angry when she asks me whom i with and when i say a friend, she wants to know more with an accusatory tone in her voice.
I realise that a lot of trust has to be built and i also guess that it feels like any attempt at a relationship needs us both to agree that that is what we want, she seems like she’s waiting for me to make big promises and woo her but at the moment she seems like shes sending me mixed messages, she doesnt want me seeing others but she’s not giving me any signals that she wants to be anything more than just co-parents despite her bringing up the subject of feelings we may/may not have for each other.
i know this probably reads quite abstractly and reading back over it doesnt seem to make a convincing argument for me wanting her back but am plagued by this nagging doubt that i havent done all i can to really know whether this would work or not but at the same time don’t really feel like I can go through all the inevitable emotional stress that goes with it.
I would appreciate your opinion on this, however iam prepared for the predictable response of ‘You need to sort out what you actually want’ or ‘just let it go and see what happens’

Love and light

Benson

i was together with my gf for 8 years and we have a 4 year old son. i left her 5 months ago because my mom was getting in the way of us having a healthy relationship. im also bi-poler and the last 4 years we were together them wanting to help me with it got a little overwhelming. its not sever where i need medication but they seem to think so. she now lives in AZ and im in CA. she is helping her mom deal with some health problems and living with her sister. none of her famly likes me and is agenst us getting back together. but we talk all the time and she has remained my friend. how can i show her that im ready to commit to her and get back together with her? our son is the main focus as to why we want this to work. and we still have feelings for each other but she says she needs more time to get over being hurt and her being able to trust me again. she has also said that if her parents wernt involved we would allready be back together. i want to come see her but dont want to cause waves with her famly. how can i get them to notice that im a good father and am so deeply in love with there daughter. any advice would help.

My ex and I broke up a week ago. We had been dating for nearly 2 years and I am convinced she is the love of my life. She told me, however, she needed space to sort out what she wants in life. She has been stressed with trying to find a job and isn’t sure if she can see a future with me down the road. She isn’t as sure about the future as I am, and I think that scares her and feels it is unfair to me that she doesn’t feel that way yet and doesn’t want to string me along while she figures out what she wants. I also never pressured her into feeling like I do and never pressured marriage. She says she loves me, and was upset when she did break it off with me so I do know she does still care about me. We went NC for the week after so as to give us both some time to mull things over some, and then talked last night for 3 hours on the phone getting everything onto the table. It went surprisingly well, and I feel I have a better understanding of her position.

I am still confused on how to handle this situation with her. I want her happy, but I also want to be with her. I love her to death. She wants to remain friends over this time, but I don’t know A) how to be/see her as just a friend, and B) I don’t want to fall into the being just a friend trap and C) If she needed space from the relationship, why would she want me around?. Also, I have done nothing (so she says) wrong in this relationship. She says that I treated her the best anyone possible could, loved her more than anyone could, yet she is still unsure as to why she isn’t happy (whether relationship wise or not). She says it isn’t fair to me to keep doing this until she figures things out, even though I knew she wasn’t on the same page as I was and wasn’t pressuring her/ am willing to wait till she is (possibly) down the road. I don’t know who someone passes up on someone who has done what I have for her.

I do admit I could be a tad smothering at time in wanting to be with her as much as possible whereas she is more of a person who likes to have her space at times, but I am willing to back off if it makes her happy. I feel we had some communication problems as well (more her to me) about things that would bother one another. I made a conscience attempt to tell her everything, and did. I am willing to do whatever it takes to make her happy if she gives me a second chance. This is how much i love this girl. *Note* These are not big personality changes, so it isn’t like I am changing who I am for her, just some habits that I tend to do that need to be changed regardless.

How can I try and win her back? Or at least handle this situation.

hi my name is jess and i was with my girlfriend for about a year and we made it work but within the year we had alot of break ups which led up to the final official break up! well we went without talking for about two months then i reached out to her wanting to be friends and she said she wanted to be with me always did so i tried to make it work but in the end i found out she told me i still had chances to be with her while she was dating somebody else. now that she is in a relationship for 6 months with the other person, i find that she randomly text me or finds a way to say something to me. Like she has told my bff that she was looking at my FB profile, observing that i now smoke and that i have new materialistic stuff and she made some comments on a photo i commented on a month ago and she said some mean stuff and turned around and apologized. Idk what to think or do anymore honestly and when we talk she always always ask me if i still love her?. I mean she seems pretty obsessed with the other person but still pops into my life every now and then. any advice or help would be greatly appreciated

Hey marc thanks so much for replying. i currently do have a new gf i have been seeing for a while and my ex gf keeps popping back in like i said. but now she has had no contact with me what so ever. do you think she will pop back in within time? I just really don’t want it to be a something that becomes regular. I also wonder though if her contacts are made out due to the fact that her current relationship is long distant? she for instant lives in colorado and the other person in North Carolina. Do you think thats why she keeps me on the side? I have tried to correct my wrong doing but she refuses to accept my apology no matter how hard i try. lastly my question is does she love me or she just playing me?

Hi! I know a friend of mine who is involved in a long distance relationship. She and her boyfriend haven’t met personally but they have ‘online’ friends that connect them. They do phone calls, text messaging, and chats through YM/Skype. They have been in a LDR for 4 months now, but there’s a conflict. The boy got jealous of the girl. She explained, but it gets worse. My friend (she) started to question the boy about him being mysterious. But the boy won’t tell, seldom deactivates his Facebook account, no messages like it’s used to. The girl told me that it’s over but she loves him. She saw one time that the boy wants her to look for him. Does the boy have real feelings toward the girl? What should be done?

Thank you!

Hi, I’m 36 with a 29 year old ex. we dated and lived together for more than 4 yrs. She wanted kids and I was dragging my feet because of my first child situation and hardships. I put up a wall and tried to put it off as long as I could. I was pushing her away for months. To then realize she was serious about moving out. She called my bluff and won. I later told her I would have children. She then said f, you and said oh because you want them now because I left it’s ok now. No. She then moved in
with a girl from work in a situation where she is a two month old newly wedd. relationship she sees. the guy moved to Chicago for six moths for work. So she now not only tells me I needed to be more Affectionate, say I love yous more, and the kid thing. She also has the female full time moral support. While I’m going crazy living alone and doing the pressure texting, trying to see her, and professing my fk up and realizing I was selfish and disrespectful of her feelings. We have become more
distant because of my actions. It’s been 5 weeks or so. She told me that she had to push me away because I kept grasping for anything… which I did. she keeps telling me she went through too much and prepared for this for about 6 months mentally. She keeps saying … right now she is thinking about today. you never know what the future holds but right now she is not thinking about getting back together. She is taking this time to improve herself and do her for a now. She also says we needed to go through this to grow either way we end up.I’m just stressed that she is gone….. Little help please thanks.

Also I know she says she wants space, and yes I’m not doing so well with that.

One more thing… is there hope and at what time can you ask to go out or call. Or not either?

Hi ,I broke up with my girl 1 month ago.but we keep calling each other everyday,she cam to my house last weekend and we made love to each other .she is planing coming again this weekend to do some cooking and I know we will make love too.what do I do? I wanna have her back for real.is there chance we will be back again what do I do ?Do I tell her not to come?

Hi, my girlfriend broke up with me after a 5 week relationship. Things moved really fast, she says she still loves me and I still love her. But she says that she never wished that we broke up and I feel the same way. She still says she doesn’t want to be in a relationship though. I didn’t really understand what was happening at the time, but I don’t want to lose her and she doesn’t want to lose me… Is there any way that I can get her back?

Hi All,
I met a girl 4 months ago (we’re both in our mid to late thirties). She chased me a bit to get in contact & very quickly she had asked me to meet up with her. The date went well & she asked to see me agin. We then just bounced off each other seeing each other 3-4 times a week & having fun. This lasted for 6 weeks or so & then I was going on holiday. The day before I went she noticed I was dressed differently & wanted to joke about it but felt that she couldn’t & this went round in her head without me knowing. Later she didnt feel like kissing or hugging me when I tried & as things had been so tactil upo until then I really noticed & asked if all was ok. She suddenly put her head in her hands & said I don’t know there is so much going on in my head. It was the night before I was going away & I felt very anxious & wondered if she was about to finish with me. The holiday had been booked before I met her & I didn’t really want to go anymore but I had committed to people. She had expressed some insecurity about having been hurt in the past & would I cheat on holiday, She told me that she trusted me & fely secure that I wouldn’t. I then went off on holiday woondering if she was going to dump me when I got home. A week into the holiday she phoned me to say that when she gets my texts she no longer gets the lovely warm feeling she used to get when recieving them saying tearfully that she doesn’t know how she is feeling & not understanding what has changed for her. I was very patient & understanding & said that maybe sometimes we cant explain whats changed but that sadly it seems that it has – maybe that the feeling has just gone. I was waiting for her to land the final blow & say we are finished but she held back saying that maybe once I get home it will all be ok…. We continued texting during the holiday with the odd phone call. When I returned I was very anxious as I believed I would be dumped. It then continued where she would be nice to me & intimate but I noticed the tone of the texts had changed, they fely more like Twitter tweets than the previous personal messages I used to recieve. I noticed that she would physically be more distant around me & started to test me slightly asking me starnge questions to see how I would react – eg, Once she pointed at a building on the horizon which she said was purple *& could I see it. I looked hard but in the end said “No, I can’t see it” she then said “ok I was interested in whether you would have just said that you could see it just to be agreable with me”

Then I increasingly became more insecure as I could see so many changes in her behaviour around me & would ask about what I was seeing. She would deny & say that why cant we just get on with the relationship rather than talk about it. I would try to not say things – I’d have a good day & then a bad day. Then one day after we had been at a wedding she was about to go to Spain & told me that she couldn’t take it anymore her head was full of thoughts about why I may not be right for her but that she is confused because she said she knows she has deep feelings for me… She decided to go to Spain & for us to have no contact so that she could clear/calm her thoughts & actually experience more of what she was feeling rather than thinking. I gave this space & it was her who broke the space by texting me after 2 days hoping that she hadn’t pushed my trust too far & had spent sooo much time thinking about me. I didn’t reply that day but did the next to remind her that she had made the committment & filling her head about worries for me may not help her achieve getting in touch with her feelings about me… When she returned she said she didn’t want to give up on us & that she wants to work on us & sure that she has strong feelings for me.

This was about 5 weeks ago, we have tried up until 2 weeks ago. during them 3 weeks I recieved a mixture of hot & cold from her & never really felt the care she was saying she had for me as if she did something she would then take it away & also she could no longer sleep if I was in bed with her which upset me greatly. She said it was just because of what we’d been through & that she was sure it would be normal soon…

Then 2 weeks ago I really felt that we were in trouble as I felt she wasn’t really making time for me in a natural way it felt like she was forcing it. I told her I thought we were in trouble & she reacted by saying that she wouldn’t let me go & would fight to gain my trust in her feelings again. She did some nice things & we had a good 6 days or so & then she went to Spain with her friends for 5 days, she text me while there but never phoned me. I knew this didn’t mean that she didn’t care but made me feel something is wrong as she would be on the beach for the whole day with her phone & never once just picked it up to say hello. When she got backI told her I was disappointed & she again wasn’t happy that we talk about this, said that she hates disappointng me all the time & obviously she must not be enough for me. I felt that she was stressed and didnt like the fact that I was causing this & went to leave saying I dont want to make her dislike me & that if my insecurity has got to a level that its changing my behaviour & how she sees me then maybe I should leave & sort my head out. She then jumped up a bit panicky saying for me not to go & said that she wouldn’t let me go without telling me that she loved me. I found it hard as I said why tell me now as I’m walking. She said that she finds it hard & had told her friends, mum, sister & asked them why she struggling to tell me. We then became very close & had the best night since our honeymoon period – felt very close to each other, she said that too. Then the next day she was dozing on my bed to which I was so relieved about re the sleeping problem & then she suddenly bolted uprright saying Sorry for falling asleep I hope you don’t think I’rude. I was gutted as I saw the level of worry she has about how I will react. I then went back on a downer which I couldn’t pull myself out of for the rest of last week. I met her on Wednesday for a coffee & went back into my insecurity, she was tired & drained but I couldn’t put her first. SHe ended up tearful & feeling torn between going home for an early night & trying to stay & reassure me. We then met up on Friday which was a disaster she confided that she had gone back into her doubting how she felt – I was angry as I thought that she said she would try hard to help me trust her & I was thinking she has only given me 4 days before her holiday & now 4 days since. Deep down I so regretted that i had blown the potential momentum of her telling me she loved me. I now felt extremely low thinking that now I have blown it & she definitely will have had enough of me by now? Then I continued to be flipant through Saturday but she told me Saturday evening that she wanted to try & not give up on us. Then on Sunday (3 days ago)we met again for a chat. I told her that I had stayed for too long fearing the end, & that Iknow I need to now focus on the hear & now, that my anxiety is ok – it just means she means a lot to me. Just for me to make sure I dont bring the anxiety any longer into our time togrther & just enjoy each other. She said she felt drained & wasn’t sure she could go on trying that she really didn’t know how she feels. She said I was the best bloke she had ever had & that she had never been made to feel the way I had before. She said that she couldn’t try again with me as she couldn’t stand to hurt me anymore & so ended it. She then went on to say that she was so scared, saying I didn’t intend to finish this tonight its happened so fast, she was tearful saying that she is frightened that she may regret it as she will never find a man like me again. I told her I didn’t understand as if she was scared then she could ask for a month or so to see & then if she was still sure then at least she would know there were no regrets for her. I now haven’t heard from her at all since Sunday now Wednesday. I feel that she is not contacting me as she doesn’t want to give me false hope as she is so sure it is over – but that niggling doubt from her saying that maybe she will regret it!!! I hope to hear from her to maintain some sort of contact but I’ve told her in the past I do not stay in contact with X’s. I dont know whether to text to make contact. Feels so hard at the moment?? Any comments very welcome???

Hi My girlfriend just broke up with me after 9 years. She mentioned she wanted some space, but yet she said she wants me to “woo” her back. We also have a trip planned in less than a month, which she is not wanting to go.It seems like she is giving me a little bit of mixed signals. Do you have any advice to help me in this situation?

Hi,

Just been having a proper look through your site and taking in the advice offered. Which has lead to my question.

Without going into to much detail. My ex and I broke up after been together more then 10yrs, about 3mths ago. We are both in our middle 30′s.

While the break up was a total surprize for me, she said it was something she had been thinking about for a while and felt that the ‘relationship had run its course’ and we just seemed to be ‘podding along’ and ‘we didn’t do much as a couple anymore’ She said I didn’t seem to have the will or the motovation to ‘move on with the relationship and she was tired carrying us’. She also said, ‘it feels like a weight has been lifed of my shoulders, and she felt stronger, more indepentant then before’

TBH, I had some serious problems in work and also works nights while she worked days. I would also have reasonible requests for time off and other stuff refused by my employer. So, it became quite hard to maintain what was once a very healthy relationship. As you can imagion, I was tired alot, and was unable to make plans, because I was unsure if I would get the time off or even get paid on time.

Since the break up, I have moved job, its still night work, but the shifts are more social friendly then before. I also happen to know, my ex feels quite lonely sometimes and seems to reach out to her friends and family for company lately(whether this is becaue of the BU or not I don’t know) and has started to drink and socialise much more then before.

I have always wanted to offer this girl all the things she said were the reasons for the break up and but because of the problems with that job which went on for more than 2yrs I was unable to.

I was thinking of making contact when she returns from a family break in November, which would be about 5mths since we spoke.

By the way.. the last time we spoke I did everything you advise not to do (yeah, chump, I know LoL).

So what do you think?

My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years dumped me for the second time a few days ago. He told me he was too busy and did not want a relationship right now. (He is busy, that is true. But he also spends all his free time with his friends.) Three days after we broke up he called me and said he made a mistake and wants me back and he will change. I was at work the time he called he called me so I told him I would call after. I did and he said we should wait 3 months and then talk to see if we want to continue. I don’t like to be in limbo and I love this guy very much. I want to respect his wish and give him the time he wants but at the same time I want to know if he will ever want to get back together.

Thanks Marc, I think I’m going to go for it!!!!

hello.. i think im the only girl who commented here. i just broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago and i really really miss him. we have been together for 3 months before i had to go overseas for exchange and i’ve only been overseas for 1+ month when we broke up. the truth is, we have been arguing constantly because i felt that he was very controlling.. and over e past few times, i was the one who kept bringing up breakup and the last time i brought it up, he finally accepted it. however i regretted and want him back but he said he didn’t want me anymore. he said there’s no turning back.. i really really love him a lot and now i feel that there’s such a big hole in my life.. i really want him back.. but i don’t know what to do. can you please advise me?

and he said he would not contact me again.. and that if we were to see each other around, we should still smile and move on. he’s the one who promised to be with me forever and that he would love me and marry me.. he also said that he hope this end would qualm his love for me.. is this really the end of the relationship?

hello thanks for replying…

i couldn’t stand waiting so after 5 days i texted him and said i want him back and i really miss him and love him a lot. however the response he gave was “so you think 1 sms and 1 call are enough? is that all you can do?”

i called him and then we had a long talk.. he’s still the same. freaking angry because i only called him after 5 days, which he thought i was having fun but in fact i had been crying every single day. i just thought giving a period for him to cool down would be better.. he wanted me to not talk to guys, not go out with guys and mustn’t do anything that will make him upset and i cannot be irritated with him.. he wanted me to swear to not do any of the things above before he would consider to take me back.. and also, he wants me to be on “probation”. he said he wanted to see how much effort i will put before he will consider getting back with me.. he also said that if i do anything that will upset him, he will just leave me.. this shows that i shouldn’t even try to be with him anymore right?

hi, my name is mike. my girlfriend broke up with me a little over 2 weeks ago. i love her to death and would do anything to get her back. the question is how do i know what to do? she texts back but kind of like an hour or so. she says she wants to be single for awhile and i get that. she also says she still wants to be friends and all and that she wants me back just not right now. she went to hang out with some guy but she says he is just a friend. how do i get her to want me back?

Hi Marc,

I have another question for you. I noticed you mentioned emotions when repling to another post.

The last time my ex and I spoke, she appeared quite stoney-faced and rigid,then suddenly and in reply to a comment I made she became very angry and animated like she used to do the odd time we fought. I had said something to make her drop her guard. Before I left this final time (oh yeah, did the whole heartbroken guy thing again) we hugged and I left and I think she was in tears again.

(I took the whole stoney-faced thing, which is not like her and I concidered this to be some form of defense. As the time before, she was much more relaxed and even bought lunch for us. When I left that time, I kissed her goodbye and as I left I could see she was crying.)

I really think we could make our relationship work, as it only failed because she felt we were in a rut… not going forward and slowly driffing backwards… Since our break up, I’ve a new job, new place and much more time off…

She knows about the new job. I told her while we were limited contact, but she doesn’t know about the new place etc.

We’ve been No Contact (her idea – she said ‘I don’t think we should text anymore, I don’t think its a good idea) for about 4wks. How can I show her, the person she broke up with wasn’t the real me… that the real me (the person she fell in love with) never wanted to hold up the relationship and all I needed was a bit of luck finding a bit of job security. Now, if she decides that the ‘old me’ still isn’t worth a 2nd chance, I’ll be ok with that, as this time I would feel she based her decision what I’m offering in the future and not what she thought I was offering at the time of her disision.

I’m not too keen on a direct appoach. I’d rather she hear it from one of her friends or a family member, but how do I go about that without it looking too planned…. I’m lucky in a way, that she has family living near me, and my new job can take me into places where her friends work….

Lastly… if the guy hadn’t read the words of wisdom contained in your post>> http://howtogetyourgirlback.org/how-to-get-a-girl-back-after-she-breaks-up-with-you-first-steps

And did nearly everything you say not to do…. is that it? Game Over, or is there still a tiny window left open.

Hi, I just recently(one week) seperated from my girlfriend of over 2 years. About two weeks prior to the break-up I noticed she was getting very short tempered with me and seemed to be annoyed with me. I am away at school so fighting was the worst thing for an already difficult LDR. We lost passion and I know that my lack of happiness became very draining, because she was such a social and outgoing person. She came to pick me up and bring me home for a military obligation (i sold my car prior to leaving for school) and I was in a bad mood because of school. She tried being romantic and happy, but I was stubborn and a downer. On the way home she was acting very withdrawn from me and I really pressed her to be honest and upfront with me. She said she wanted to break up and I immediately felt that she was being a “prisoner of the moment” because we were bickering, so I stayed very quiet and upset. Later in the ride she apologized and said that she was feeling lost and was unhappy with her life and how she had let herself go since high school. I comforted her while she cried and vowed to be here for her. I felt that there were no further issues. Then, the night before my military obligation, she seemed very withdrawn and I told her I felt like I was losing her and she asked why. I explained that she had been acting different and I didn’t feel as if she was in this anymore. She kissed me and assured me that she loved me and we connected physically and emotionally. I left for the weekend and when I returned I checked my phone and she hadnt message me the way she normally had. I called her and after thinking about everything I gave her the option to leave if she was unhappy and needed to find herself. I was very emotional because this wasn’t what I wanted. She said she respected me for that and it wasn’t me, it was her and she feared that if she was ready to be back together that I would not be there. I understood but I told her I couldn’t wait with hope, that I had to move on and she agreed.

We didn’t speak again that whole week and I saw her facebook and she got her hair done, new outfits, and seemed to be very happy and content being with her friends and partying. I never called or texted her, but it began to seem that some of her statuses were about me and the lack of things I had done. I analyzed the things I did to push her away and accepted that I needed to change and wanted to for the right reasons. I’m torn between moving on, or showing her that she is wanted and that I care enough to fight for her. I don’t want to lose her without a mature way of fighting for her. Im 21 and she’s 20 but I would never hold her back from any dreams or aspirations she has. We have fought a lot and it has been very emotionally draining but I feel as though I want her for the right reasons and I want to change negative habits with her so that we can last. We were very much in love. How should I play this one?

Hi,
i met the perfect girl when i was 17 (18 now) and we hit it off straight away. she likes the same music, movies, food, art, subjects, etc. we became best friends immediately and slowly moved on to dating, i didn’t mean to start dating her…it just sort of became that way when we kissed. I broke up with her because I knew i was not ready to start dating ( i had just broken up with my ex and wasn’t stable enough to start another relationship) let alone anything more serious. we remained good friends and still are.
one night we were talking and we wandered off in the subject of relationships. I mentioned why i broke up with her and she said she understood. she asked me if they’re any girls that i liked right now and i said no.I returned the question, she looked my straight in the eyes and told me she does not like anyone in particular. After that the conversation swerved off in to something else.

my question is: do you think she still likes me? and is willing to give me a second chance?
she doesn’t mind when i touch her…or give her a small kiss on the hand or cheek.
I am ready to be with her and i would really like a second chance.

Hello,my gf of 7 months told me recently she needs space,no texting and no speaking in order to realize if its me she wants,she was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and we were very stressed out together before she asked me for space,i love her and want to support her,she has a supportive ex husband who she sees alot as they have a 13yr old son,im hurt and confused,any advice is welcome.

I need help! I started seeing a married man I worked with his aunt is my friend she said he wasn’t happy at home and loved me.we seen each other and he wanted to have a baby I was told I could never have kids but a mircale happened and I now have a 19 month boy.I did the pregnancy alone he said he still loved and wanted me.he was with her (wife).we kept seeing each other he said he was being faithful and I believed him. a month after our son was born he got her prego my son and her son are 8 months apart.he still says he loves me and wants me.he isn’t happy at home.how can I really know if he really wants me or just doesn’t want to let me go?.he has been with her for a long time.he always wants to talk to me and stuff we don’t have sex at all thought.does he really want me?

Need advice. So me and this girl had been dating for about 3 months. We feel in love with each other an told each other that all the time. One night She wanted to have a girls night. I said that is fine. Her and her friends went out drinking and she was not talking that much to me that night via text message. I started to get anxious cause she was staying at my house and it was getting late so I texted her. If she was ready for me to come out to where she was. She said she had gone to anther bar with her friend and asked if she can walk her friend home an just stay were she was at. I offered to meet them and walk them both but I was so anxious for her reply that she did not give me one. So I showed up at the bar she was at. I went in and saw her and her friend she was instantly mad and we had a small fight in the bar. But after the bar she was mad at me the entire way home would not touch me or let me touch her. She watned to stay some where else. I convinced her to come stay with me. The entire walk home we were fighting for a good 25 mins. We got to my house and was still fighting. Then I blew up I could not take it anymore and busted down a sign and threw it in my room (not at her) she got really scared and afraid. From that point on she had not been the same for 3 weeks sort of turned off by me. I tried everything in the world to fix it I am even now seeing a counselor for help on that anger issue. I scared her really bad. Chemistry was off for a long time. Then it happened again one night when she was constantly wanting to hang with her friends instead of me on a date night we had set. Then she broke up with me this past friday. I stopped contacting her she had contiued to text me and ask if I was okay. I would text her I am fine just thinking of you ect.. As the week went on she kept contacting me more and more I was not initiating anything. I asked her to stop contacting me it was the only way I will be okay. But still she kept talkign to me and was being flirty with me in text messages. I told her again this last friday that we cant talk anymore its really hurting me. I asked her if she wanted to be together and she told me no she does not I asked her in the future does she. She said I cant predict the future. After that the next day around night time she facebook messaged me via our Iphones and was talking to me then. Sending me pictures of her dogs dressed up and just being flirty. I texted back of course being flirty and nice. Later that night she told me she was out with friends and then told me that she got home safe and hope i did too. The next day we texted more and we eventually hung out. We went shopping the entire time she was asking my opinion on clothes and just seemed flirty we even bought discounted pair of shoes to make our prices cheaper. It felt like we were on a date. She even asked after if I wanted to go to a movie but there was no good ones so we did not go instead we drove around. I asked her at the end what she wanted she told me to be friends. She told me she is really turned off by me and the anger I showed her and it really scared her and thats why she cant be with me. I asked her the if she wanted to be with me in the future again and she told me she cant predict that. When we were together she was asking me who I was texting on my phone and then later she saw that I friended two girls on facebook and she got mad about that. She admitted then that she had feelings for me cause I asked her. But she said that does not mean she can be in a relationship with me. She also got mad at a girl flirting with me on facebook. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!! HELP

I even offered if she wanted to go on a small break or just take baby steps back into things and she seemed that she was not for that.

Hi just wondering if you can help, been dating a girl for past 3-4 months everything was going great then out of the blue it ended and she said got a few things on her mind and head to sort out and that we should split. so we did, about a week later I found out that she went for drinks with someone she works with and now they are together, is this just a rebound relationship and have I got a chance of getting her back , she said didnt feel same way anymore but didnt act or seem that way. Only the week before we split she was still saying she loved me and still kissing and cuddling etc

the guy who she is now with has just recently come out of a 7 year relationship too so think they are both rebounding ???

thanks there was no indications that she was unhappy or distant with me and even the day we broke up still as normal she left my hosue with a kiss and cuddle then later in the day saying she needed time ad=nd space on her own as the week we broke up it was a year since she left her ex and it was really nasty so i just thought this was playing on her mind but to then be with someone so quickly aftwards a dont get it at all

@Marc:

Hey Marc I appreciate your website and you are open for giving others advise. I am curious if you saw my comment on this board?

Hi mark,
I know this might be a different question from what you usually answer but I would like to know if there is a way short of completely erasing all virtual data and blatent ignoring to get a guy to stop contacting you. I’ve been having trouble with my ex for sometime. I have done some ignoring and just plain out being rude to this person to get them out of my new bf’s my son’s and my life. But he doesn’t seem to get the hint. we’ve been broken up since april of this year and i’ve had enough. To explain my distaste for him i’ll give you a little back story.
About this time last year i was getting my life together and trying to do some good. I was keeping up with visitations and stuff for my ex husband before he went wack and i had enough. There was one day i had forgotten my sons car seat and i was looking for a baby sitter for like 20 minutes while i went and got this thing. I had tried everyone in my phone except for this gentleman and he was my last ditch effort. I had texted him and luckly enough he was available! So i went and got the car seat after he had gotten to my parents house where i was staying at. I came back and he had asked if he could come along because he wanted to do some job hunting with me. I agreed and we had gone to the visitation to drop me son off. We had such a great time and expressed intrest in each other so i had gathered my nerves up and asked him out. He responded the next day with a yes. Was the perfect relationship till he hit 21. Then he started doing things we had doing when he went to the bars with his friends who weren’t male. I had gotten jealous and expressed it. That led to our first break up. I was devistated because i thought i was in love with him. I spent a couple months as a huge wreck but everynight i kept going to bed wishing and hoping he would come back. Then after about a month apart, I saw my wishes come true. Soon after we got an apartment together becuase I got sick of my family’s warning though i should’ve listened. We were happy for a couple months. Then came in a previous ex, I tried not to be jealous cause they seemed like nothing more than friends, she had always been respectful of our relationship for the most part. Then she seemed like she was getting more desprate. She started calling him to hang out at 2 in the morning and always got upset when i sat next to him. Shortly after this, I had confronted him about this. He told me (and still does to this very day) that he never cheated on me. I didn’t believe him in the lest bit. After having to deal with him being more caterting to her and other girls i had enough. I told him if he really did love me he had a free weekend to test himself. By the end of the weekend when we got back together, he told me he couldn’t be with me anymore cause he felt like he was gonna cheat on me. I’ll admit, i was possesive at times and i did get obsessive too but, I had been through alot and thought it best if he felt that way that it was done. So i ended it. He continued what i felt like was his affair with the ex he introduced me to and eventually he had his now gf break them up. His now gf was a very good friend of mine till he asked her out after i told her everything. That friendship ended because i felt betrayed. Problems continued to ensue and i knew i wasn’t over him and he wasn’t totally over me. We had an affair a few times but i had ended that in July when i met my now bf (6 months of a very different and respectful relationship on the 1/9/12). One night after his gf’s inessent insecurities i had enough and threw them out of my place. Ever since he left he has had attempted some form of contact with me. It’s come to where between his gf and him, there’s been so much drama invovling me that to deal with it (as it was affecting my job performance and my son’s and i’s health) I moved. I regrettiably did leave my son with my parents because of this and i do dread going back to get my son because i do not wish any contact with him. But last week he had messaged me wishing for my approval for his new baby on the way. Out of polietness, anyone i come in contact with that i do know that has contact with him, I simply state I wish the best however he does know that i do not approve of it and wish to be left alone. I have stated to him that i have become happier, less stressed and have a better quality of living and able to support myself and my son since i put him in the past. But he doesn’t seem to get the hint. Even when i come out right. Is there anyway to convince him that his attempts are in vain and there is no love lost between us because of the history in our relationship?
I would very much like to know so i can continue on with a very successful relationship i have now with an amazing person i thought never exsited. It would help emensly.
Thank you for your time
Amy

Hi,my girlfriend dumped me after about 6 hours she said it was because she didnt want a boyfriend and stuff like that and then I asked her if it was out of kindness and she said kind of but not completely. I would move on but she is like perfect for me we like the same music ,we both enjoy each others presence and etc ,I don know if I should forget her or not :s please help if possible

Hey, My fiance has just left me after 15 months being together. It came as a shock and out of the blue. I was over possessive and very jealous. The thing that pushed her over the edge was a text from a girl i received saying “even though we havent seen each other in 5-6 years the chemistry is still there” She admitted the other day she did over react but said the damage had been done. I have since begged and pleaded for another chance, which i know is wrong now but she refused and just shook her head and said i cant. This is only a week old and we are still in contact. There has been texts everyday and it is over christmas so we did the whole present exchange thing. She said she is going on a holiday next week to clear her head. I just want to know if i stand a chance of getting this girl back? I realise i am at fault for the majority of the problems and am taking proactive steps to better myself so we dont have the same issues and i definately do want this girl back and am positive it can be resolved. Is this just a time and space thing? or do i forget about her and try to move on. How can i tell if she is leaning towards getting back with me?
Cheers mat

I’ve been with my gf for 3 years. I’ve been withholding a lot of frustration and stress due to a lot of family problems on my end and also on hers. Through out the 3 years there have been a good amount of ups and downs…trying to.learn each other and handle eqch others emotions. I love her so much nd she’s been a huge impact in my life and with all this strain from family drama our relationship became effected. Barely any affection or intimacy. She would complain constantly which turned into another problem I didn’t want to deal with. She broke up with me two days ago and is telling me she has loves me and will probably never stop. That she is making the move to break up because we apparently dont workout and she’s to emotional for me. That its in mine and her best interest and that its not good to be so up and down. I’ve been the one texting her while she doesn’t try to contact me but will respond here and there. I know that we let our relationship get to this level due to the way we handled our personal problems and I told her I’ve realized how my actions have jepordize us and that I know that we can be happy again. It’s a priority of mine cuz nothing should get in the way of our love like we let it….yet she says she can’t cuz she doesn’t want to end back to where we r now again. She’s scared. We have a dog together. We formed a little family and we were happy. Extremely happy during periods of Time. Life threw to many curveball during a yr of our time and its like we got stuck. Yet I’m willing to change this. What do I do?

i need help plz someone here is my story:

Me and my gf started dating 11 months ago, it was amazing we connected instantly and have travelled on several vactions together. We never argued or fought, we were an amazing couple. She did sometimes raise concerns over our future and if we would like together and I would ensure her we would. She would always want me to sleepover and sometimes I would however a lot of the time I would go home. This was because of work in the morning and also my family. You see we come from to diffrent background, she is cacausian and I am east indian, in my culture one does not sleep with gf until marriage however I still did just my parents did not know. They knew my gf however and did like her she was over at my house often and they liked her. During our relationship, she was aware that I was going abroad for law school and she was very proud and stood by me. I left in september and would return dec 1st. Then second semester I’d go jan til march I was home most of the time. However, in nov, one month before I came home she began to act diffrent. She told me out of the blue, “our conversations don’t go anywhere and the relationship is not growing”. This Is what made me change from a secure, confident, happy guy into an insecure one who was scared to lose his gf. I went into panic mode and started asking why and trying to hard to show her how much I loved her. She said the following things to me over the course of a month before a came 1) this relationship isn’t going anywhere 2) I don’t see a future together 3) how can this grow if its the same questions everyday 4) our familes are so different, I don’t know if your culture is right for me 5) I don’t feel like I will fit into your family 6) Its fun and your amazing but I need more emotionally 7) I’m ready for next step and your not with you I have to take 10 steps back 9) I’ve been where you are already and need the next level, its unfair to force that on you 11) we talk more like friends, I love you as a person but not “in love” 12) I need to do what’s right for me and best for both of us….this is the hell I went through while I was studying LAW in a diffrent country! How the hell is this fair to me? And to make this BS worse, she would say she misses me and still show come affection. So she told me we would talk when I was home. I came back and things seemed off however, after a talk she seemed to be comming around and after hanging another time she was laughing and we reminised about old times, it seemed like it would repair slowly. However….day later she pulled same BS on the phone said “its better we stay friends when u go back” and “I don’t want to give you false hope” I got angry and swore at her and hung up…needless to say a mistake it ended there. I felt horrible, lost and I cried. I texted her a day later and apologized she wrote me back and said that we need time apart and that she doesn’t no what the future hold but maybe we would find a way back to eachother. Over last few days I’ve felt so depressed and wanting to call her and beg but I can’t because that’s not right and I don’t want a gf I have to beg. its been 2 weeks and shes been messsging me, we are talking but nothing heavy yet, i want to get the ball rolling and to get her back NOW . what should i do?

Hi. I’ve been broken up with my ex for a little over 2 yrs. I was the one that ended the relationship because I felt like I wanted to see what else was out there and my bf at the time was being too needy and clingy. We had been together for 2 yrs and prior to getting in a relationship with him, I had just broken up with my high school sweetheart (I was 19 at the time). But I told him that I wanted to break up over a petty reason. I soon regretted breaking up with him shortly after I did it. I blame it on me being young and dumb and not realizing what I had. True enough, him being clingy was bothersome but its something we could’ve worked on.

However, since we’ve been broken up, its been a constant roller coaster ride. I wanted him back but he wasn’t ready. Then he wanted to try starting over but I had met someone new and told him no and so on. We have even gone back and forth with getting upset with each other and not speaking for months. Then I’ll break the ice or he will. But lately, we’ve been on good terms. I even spent some time with him bringing in the new year. It was my first time talking to him face to face and seeing him in about a year. Before we were communicating thru text mssgs. I can tell he’s changed for the better and has been working on trying to not come off as being needy or smothering. He sent me a text mssg one day asking me what his flaws were when we were together and told me how he has been working on them because wants to be ready for Miss Right when the time comes. But I know he has been dating and talking to other females since we’ve been apart, but nothing to serious.

I know he is the kind of guy who is genuinely a nice and respectable guy. On new years I gave him a kiss, he said he didn’t mind because he was thinking the same thing. I can’t lie, my heart is still with him. After all this time apart, my heart and mind always drifts back to him. I’ve dated since we’ve been apart and no one has been a more suitable match then he was. The things that made me want to leave him are really so small in comparison to other things that I have dealt with in dating other guys. He is really the yin to my yang, we balanced each other out so well for the most part.

But my concern is, how do I know how he feels about me? I don’t want to misinterpret his kindness for him wanting to be just friends with me or the kiss from this new years of just being in the moment. I know I can be kind of aggressive and I don’t want to come on too strong or scare him away. I know he’s very careful and likes to take things slow. He would rather be friends first and get to know a female first before starting a relationship.

If he is interested, I know he fears that I will leave him again. How can I reassure him that I won’t? That I know its nothing else out there for me and that he is who I want to be with. How do I get him to open up and really tell me how he feels about me and if there is a chance that we can start over again? How do we work on building trust again?

This looked like something for girls to figure out if their boyfriend wants them back from Google, but now that I’ve read through this, I can pay attention to making sure these things show when I’m hanging out with my ex to really show that I want him back. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Hi.

I was with my girl friend (fiancee) for 6 years (I am also a girl). We were having troubles for the last year, like arguing a lot and then making up. We were also having money problems. I had to go abroad for several months to make money to pay off debts and got a bit depressed there, but started working on myself and changing. Prior to that we would have difficult conversations on skype and I was not being understanding of her situation. After me deciding to change, she broke up with me. I decided that day, that I would continue changing and working on myself and did not contact her. Now almost two months has gone by and I feel good about myself and is continuing to work on being a better person.

I resently returned to to the city where my ex and I lived and have found a place to stay here. We have met twice. The first time at a cafe, where we ended up talking for several hours and it was very nice. The second, a week later at her place (where I used to live) and we had a great time, talking about ourselves and laughing a lot and discussing issues we are both passionate about. This meeting ended up lasting for many hours also.

I have realized that I love her and want to get back together, I am not sure what she wants at all. Our relationship was great and passionate and fun and interesting. I do think she wants her independence and I know she was scared because of our arguing and ups and downs the past year. I am really scared to mess things up, so am not ready to tell her that I love her yet. I do know that she loves me, though, but am not sure that that is enough.

She still seems to enjoy being with me, we communicate effortlessly (we always did) and we share a sense of humor and have the same values. I know she was always very attracted to me.

I am really wondering if there are any ideas out there about how to go from here. I guess I could take one step at a time, and see where that leads us.

I don’t really see any obvious signs that she wants me back. We don’t write or call each other unless there is something that needs to be done, like go through papers and things.

We were slow becoming a couple in the first place, it was a lot of passion between us from the start, but we took things slow, and ended up a couple when we knew each other well and felt secure together. Maybe this is the way to go now too?

Anyways, would really appreciate some views on my situation and wonder if there is hope for a lovestruck, heartbroken, but happy person.

hello. my name is Eric. i got together with my ex in college. and it got pretty serious. after college we shared and apartment. it was about 2 yrs before we broke up. when we did i moved away and we kept in contact. when i came back we got back together and it didnt work. everything was the same. neither of us gave the other any time to make anything different. i moved away again except this time i made those dreadful mistakes of the desperate ex…..calling messaging apologizing frequently. when i realized how she felt i just left her alone. she had a boyfriend and everything. she seemed really happy and i was ok with that since thats all i wanted anyway. we have spoken in almost a year and out of the blue the other day she sent me a message in complete neutrality. she tells me she left her boyfriend because of faithfullness among other things. i thought i was over her (i was deeply in love) but since she messaged me she is all i can think about. and it makes no sense to me because we broke up over 3 yrs ago… i dont even knnow what this means…. are these natural ffeelings? i would be open to a “re-do”. im just confused because she seems open to talk to me now and before it was like chasing a ghost. is this because of her break-up? have i become a saftey net? or is there still some thing there? any response will help.
thankx

hey i was reading this befor and i thought this would never work but my girl friend said she wanted to get back together and it does work and alot

Hello! My girlfriend and I have broken up last night, because she says she isn’t happy with me anymore..I cant really blame her because all throughout our relationship I’ve been very insecure and jealous, and I’ve hurt her constantly…she’s always given me chances but this time she really wants to end it..I have hope though, because she said she still loves me very much and she hopes we work in the future..I am doing everything to change and to not be insecure and jealous, and she said she appreciates this and might even wanna hang out this week..these past nine months have been amazing..I just wanna know where I stand..thank you

Hey, I been in a relationship with this girl for 3 months and then after new year she had a fever and got pretty sick and we couldnt meet for 13 days, so we were texting online all the time and until once we had a fight about a friend of mine and i disrespected her and my friend disrespected her. i broke up with her indirectly saying i wasnt ready for the relationship. but i apologized and tried fixing everything and make things better and all. but she said she wasnt feeling it anymore.and i think she feels bad not because of us being apart but i think because she felt sorry for hurting me and doesnt want that. when we met on the 14th of jan. she teared and was acting weird . i dont know the reason. she wouldnt tell me and wanted us to stay friends , since some of her feelings are gone all of a sudden. i accepted the friendship then Deleted her few hours after it.i have no idea what to do now, am lost . i really need help

Hi

I m really sorry but I dont see a date stamp on this thread so it may be over now but I would like your help.

I have been going out with a girl for over a year, she works for an airline as a stewerdess, she is late thirties I am mid fourties.

She is always away and when we are together its great, after 6 months or so we started have minor arguments nothing much and then she was diagnosed with skin cancer, I took time of work and nursed her through this. Then not long after she was diagnosed with premature menopause. I have tried to help with this however I have sensed her pain and have not tried as much to be intimate with her, I think she has misunderstood this as me pulling away.

Late last year I had a bust up and said after to much to drink I wanted to break up, she did not and we sorted it. We had another argument a few weeks later and she said she wanted to end things I stormed out then she called and said her head was messed up and she loved me and wanted me to come back, we talked next day and all ok.

Xmas day was a nightmare, I booked a table she wanted for lunch together and I asked for a nice one away from others, we did not get this and got put to close to another table. I just got agitated and sulked and we left. She really was upset by this but I couldnt tell her I was going to ask her to marry me that was why I was upset because we did not have space.

start of the year I bought up the subject in bed about intimacy and apologised for being distant but I had job issues and just now I have been diagnosed with skin cancer also.

She got upset and said she was having doubts about us and it just escalated from there till I left.
Next day she was still the same and said she could not see us together in the future but was there for me and loved me!

Its been a week Im in pieces! I have to see her tonight she agreed at her place to return her keys! What do I say to her!!!?? Without looking all needy! I dont want to frighten her.

I love this woman so much how do I deal with this meeting and any thoughts on this!

Sorry also forgot to mention she said she was not missing me as much as she used to when she was away and she felt that was not right….

Hi,

So me and my boyfriend we were together for almost 2 years, but over the weekend he decided to break up with me. I’m pregnant 4 and half months and over the weekend when something happened at his schooling because he is in military, some bad accident, I had a bad breakdown and he at first was trying to be sweet but then all of the sudden he said he can’t do it anymore, and the more I tried talking to him the more he was mad at me and said it won’t work and that we are over, so I stopped talking to him to give him his space since we live together and he comes back on friday. Well when I was talking today morning to my best friend I was sending him a text message asking if he thinks the relationship this time it’s not over because the last few fights we had he broke up with me but few days later he came back around anyways, without realizing who I send the text to, I send it to my boyfriend not to my best friend and my boyfriend (ex) he replied “Justina, I’m sorry” and I asked him if we can talk when he comes back and said yes, do you think I have a chance of getting him back or did he already made up his mind? I know why it is over between us and it is cause of me and how I have been towards him and I finally realized i need to change my actions, I just wonder if I realized too late or if I still can get him back. What do you think?

hello frds…i need ur help..me and my gf hav been in a relationship around two years…she loved me a lot in starting of relation bt at that time i cant gav her much imp nd nw she recently broke wid me i beg her nd she came back we had patch up bt still its not going good..i wnt her to love me as she used to do before m confused n dnt knw wat to do,,i love her a lot n m vry serious abt her shes completely chnged nw..plz any 1 can gav me advice..

Hey. Perhaps the most important piece of information that I could give you is that both me and my recent-ex are 16 years of age and that we have being dating for just over 8 months. I love my Chloe so much, but a few nights ago, she told me that she was having doubts again and later that night, broke up with me. Understandably, Chloe is uncertain that she wants to have such a serious relationship at this age and instead wants to see things first, and find out who she is before she commits to a serious relationship. However, I feel as if at the moment, commitment shouldn’t be a problem because we only see each other about once a week. She also states that it wouldn’t be fair on me to continue, because she has always had the niggling ‘knowledge’ that there is not way that this relationship could last. But, are relationships at this age ensured to last forever at all? No, so I think we should take it day-by-day instead of ending it know just because of this feeling that she has. Also, Chloe claims that she still loves me and misses me dearly, but she wants to have some time away from me. But, even though she says this, she keeps telling me that she is not going to change her mind, she wants to be alone, single. She doesn’t even want to date anyone else at the moment. She is having trouble dealing with this break up as well, and has claimed that she has broken down into tears at some points throughout the days since. Before we broke up, Chloe said that half of her wants to stay with me but she feels as if there is no point continuing the relationship and hurting me later because she knows at some point we will split ways and find the real thing. But she also said that at the moment, she loves being with me, that I make here feel special and beautiful…but that there is no way that it is going to last. But I really want my darling back, I want to be able to hold and kiss her again…and I feel as if we are a perfect match. I want to tell her that I don’t want this completely inward relationship we had before, relying on each other 100% because we both feel the urge to see the world, for adventure, we both have that need, i just dont see why we can’t do that together. She also said, before the breakup that she needs the freedom, but I never told her about my need for adventure as well. I feel as if I could get another chance, we could make us work great, even better than we were before, and be happy together again. What should I do?

So, me and my ex have been broken up for awhile. and well, thing is, is that i have moved on and im not bothered anymore about it. we had a really serious relationship. but there is one problem that persist. its been months. but apparently all she does is talk crap about me. ive had no contact with her. not for months. but she continues on. Is it a cry out for attention, is it because shes masking feelings? ect.

My girlfriend broke up with me about 3 months ago after a year and a half relationship but the end of the relationship was very unclear. We went through week-long episodes of talking after the break up but have just recently started talking again consistently, but this time the conversations are alot better and calmer and looking up. At the end of the relationship she told me she didn’t love me anymore and she wanted to be friends but again it was unclear. She seems more open to me now and I would want to get her back and I would do anything but I’m not sure how to go about it. I don’t want to smother her since it was her idea to break up but I also want to let her know I’m still here while getting her to like me again. She hasn’t been talking to anyone since we broke up.

@Marc:
So what do you think a semi-direct course of action is to get her back? The thing is, I really like her still, but I’ve also accepted the fact that failure is an option in this case and if a NO came my way, I would be prepared for it. She is very much and independant person and has learned to deal with alot of stuff but she has admitted to me that she thinks fondly upon the good times we had in our relationship. The last two months were very hard on her due to the fact that she was struggling with whether or not she still loved me. So what do you think I should do in order to atleast attempt to get her back in a subtle way? I’m open to anything, as I said before, I’m prepared for a no, so it could only help if it worked.

So do you have any suggestions for a semi-direct course of action? The good thing is, due to the time since the relationship ended I’ve prepared myself for a NO. So anything I try is only going to help if it changes anything at all. Got any suggestions? I still really like her but as I said she’s very self-willed so it’s almost like I need to get inside her mind without her even knowing and try to get her to like me again. Got anything?