We often rely on our common sense to know what makes a relationship strong but we’re often wrong. For instance, are you aware that you don’t have to always spice things up in your relationship? Consistency is actually more important than variety.

This article will present eight tips that will fortify the bond with your partner by laying down a strong foundation of trust.

1.) As I mentioned earlier, being reliable is essential. This is the opposite of the idea that you need to constantly spice things up to keep your romance going. A little variety now and then can help to keep things fun, but the true foundation of a long relationship is trust.

Trust means having an unquestioning belief that your partner will be there through good times and bad. Trust like this is made through consistent reliability over time.

2.) Always keep in mind that your words should never contradict your body language. If you say that you’re feeling happy but you have a frown on your face, he or she will instantly notice this. Your partner should not be second guessing what you really mean, because this isn’t trust. Trust can only happen when you mean what you say and the message matches your words.

3.) Also be extremely careful that your actions don’t contradict your words. In this instance, I don’t mean body language. If you say one thing but do something else, you will have lost credibility. Having no credibility will completely chip away all trust in a relationship.

4.) You must have a profound belief that your partner is a competent person. Of course everyone is better at some things than at others, but you must believe in the overall competence of your partner. If not you’re violating the trust in your relationship.

5.) You should never keep secrets from your partner. Secrets tend to have a way of always being found out. Once a secret is found out, your partner will always wonder about other secrets that you may be withholding. A lot of time is needed to create trust while secrets can completely undo trust.

6.) You must make known your needs to your partner. He or she can’t be expected to guess about what your needs are. Balance is important in that extreme self centeredness is as bad as extreme selflessness. Keeping your needs to yourself doesn’t allow your partner the chance to express love through the act of giving.

7.) Don’t be too concerned about having to say no. A person expressing his or her needs is a perfectly healthy thing. But there are times when saying yes isn’t appropriate. You will lose your partners respect if you are always yielding. Respect is vital in creating lasting trust in your relationship.

8.) You mustn’t shy away from hardship, adversity, or crisis. There is no relationship in the world that isn’t exempt from this. When a crisis is successfully resolved, your relationship becomes stronger and experiences growth.

Developing trust can be hard to do. But a stable and lasting relationship is worth the work.

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“I can live for two months on a good compliment.”
- Mark Twain

Often in the natural world around us, things tend to go one way or the other, come together or spiral apart. There isn’t much of a middle ground.

Take global warming for example, just a few degrees increase in the earth’s average temperature and the global weather impacts are huge. We’re all familiar with the saying that when it rains it pours…

The same can be said about relationships. Imagine your partner makes a snide remark at your expense. Your response will be to act hurt and perhaps try to even the score with her.

This hurts you partner and so she gets angry and responds in kind. This destructive cycle then feeds off itself and your relationship spirals downhill very fast.

The opposite is also true. An unexpected gesture of affection or compliment from your partner will predispose you to respond in kind to her, and on it goes, a positive cycle that snowballs on itself… This “either - or” tendency of things can be used to your advantage. Do the things that get you on her good side, keep it up, and she will do things to stay on your good side.

So how do you get on her good side? First, it’s not heroic acts or big grand gestures. These aren’t very practical and can’t be done often enough. Instead it’s all the small stuff that’s done frequently everyday that works. It’s all the small actions that demonstrate affection, attentiveness, and appreciation.

This can sound exhausting to some people, but the good news is that you won’t have to undergo a sudden radical change. Just start small and even this small change for the better will be immediately noticed.

A lot of men will feel uplifted when they know that they’ve made their partner happy in some way. This feeling is a kind of bonus in addition to the good will that she will start sending your way. So how do you go about showing all this attention, affection, and appreciation?

First, you will have to be alert to your partners bid to get your attention. It could be something as small as a touch on your arm or a comment while you’re watching the game on TV. The worst thing to do is to not respond at all or pretend that you’re following along.

If you are even moderately sensitive then you know what it’s like when someone doesn’t bother responding when you’ve got something to say. You must either give her your undivided attention, or tell her that whatever it is that your doing can’t wait and that you’ll get back with her when you’re finished.

You will also need to understand that men and women tend to communicate differently. When men talk among themselves, their communication tends to be more brief than that of women. Why is this? Because men use words to communicate information. You can’t go wrong if your style is getting to the point when you’re talking to another man.

Women like to use words to communicate their subjective state such as emotions and feelings. Their conversation therefore, is lengthy and full of descriptive detail. Try following along and imagining yourself feeling or sensing what she is communicating. At some point you’ll be able to really describe how your day went the next time that she asks you. Remember that she can’t be treated like another guy because she’s a woman.

When it comes to affection and appreciation, lots of small gestures will always win out over the occasional home run hit. Another thing to bear in mind is that exactly what it is that you say or do is less important than how you do it.

It’s the feelings that you project rather than the actual content that matters. When you compliment her or go out of your way to notice her new dress, say it with an affectionate tone of voice.

Video: What Makes Men Happy is Not the Same for Women

One of the most common complaints that women have about their partner is that after a while the guy just stops doing all the nice things that he used to do when they first dated. It seems that when the guy knows that he has her, he’ll take her for granted.

Although some men will take their significant others for granted, often the problem has more to do with differences in how men and women value things. Men tend to value things in a very proportionate manner. Big things are valued a lot. Little things are valued a little.

Since small things have such little value, a lot of men couldn’t be bothered with them. That’s why a man’s apartment tends to be austere compared to a woman’s. His apartment decor will reflect the few big things that really matter to him and nothing else.

His long term approach to a relationship is similar to his approach to decor. The big, grand gestures are what matter. The little things are just that, they’re little and therefore aren’t bothered with.

So when a guy first dates a woman, he knows that there are certain little rituals that he must observe in order to get her interest. After the relationship is more established, he reverts to his usual value system and stops doing the small things for his partner because small things are meaningless trifles to him.

Women tend to place equal value on everything, big and small. So when her partner stops doing all of the pleasant dating rituals, she begins to feel unappreciated.

What is important then, is to understand this difference in values between men and women and to make an effort at expressing your affection in lots of small ways. You will need to do this frequently. If you keep up with the small gestures, you won’t have to make as many big ones.

Remember that although your gestures will be small, your objective, which is a strong relationship, is very big.

These value differences are explained well in this video:

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The things that can go wrong in a relationship seem to be endless. Given the differences between the sexes, friction is inevitable. Sometimes the conflicts are so frequent and violent that a permanent breakup is the best thing to do.

Often however, couples break up for silly little reasons that blow up over time. You can avoid this by recognizing and dealing with the following most common reasons for a breakup.

All of these reasons stem from self centeredness and can be avoided by remembering that you are part of a couple. Your concerns must include those of your partner as well as your own.

1.) Not caring about or expressing care for the feelings of your partner. When you are troubled by something or if something fantastic has happened, you’d naturally want to share this with your partner. Imagine him or her not listening or bothering to respond. How would this make you feel?

Remember, you’re part of a couple now, the concerns of the other are your concerns as well. The key here is listening and thoughtfully responding.

2.) Being a control freak. Relationships aren’t perfect democracies. It’s only natural that there will be a dominant person in the couple. This is largely determined by the personality types involved. When the dominant member over does it, the relationship stands on rocky ground. No one wants to be treated as a slave or a robot.

There are many reasons for controlling behavior, most of which are pathological. If you find yourself doing this, stop it right now. Understand that your partner is a person with needs that you should be concerned about.

3.) Cheating on your partner. This is a very serious offense that in many circumstances is unforgivable. In addition to the emotional trauma that you’ll be causing, you’re also exposing your partner to disease.

If you find that you can’t control this very base instinct, you don’t belong in any relationship. You should resign yourself to remaining a solitary individual for the rest of your life.

4.) Lack of fun and spontaneity. This is often the fate of many relationships. After you’ve spent a lot of time with another person, they become so familiar that boredom slowly creeps in. Everything requires maintenance over time and your relationship is no exception. If you want your love to remain strong you’ll have to put some energy and imagination into keeping it enjoyable.

5.) Allowing arguments and fights to escalate out of control. A little self restraint now and then is never a bad thing. Diplomacy can be useful as well. A small unresolvable issue can really blow up over time.

It’s best to understand why the same argument keeps surfacing and to do something about it. Arguments in general are normal but be careful not to allow them to become a habit. They can get worse in severity if both partners get reactive or ‘touchy’. If the fight is over a small matter then just give in. There’s no shame in agreeing to take the trash out.