Do you want to get your girl back but aren’t sure how to go about it? Does the sight of other couples remind you of the emptiness of your own life? Favorite activities don’t really matter anymore? If so, you’re not alone. Numerous people are coping with this on a day-to-day basis. All of this because of a mistake or something dumb that they said and now they are alone.

Humans are complex. We are keyed in to our own wants and needs but are completely deaf to those of other people. Add to this the male / female differences and it’s surprising that breakups aren’t even more common. This is especially true when it comes to understanding the words and actions of your ex. Most of us are focused on our own needs, this interferes with our understanding of others. As a matter of fact, more often than not, your ex’s explanation for the breakup will be entirely different from your own.

Getting your girl back may seem hopeless but it isn’t. Relationships that have survived a breakup are very common. Many of these happened over some very painful circumstances. This proves that you have good reason for optimism if your situation is more normal. Normal circumstances include control issues, boredom, conflicts, infidelity, and all of the small stuff that generate friction.

How to get your girl back: The strategy

So exactly what are the steps involved in getting her back? First you need to be sure that you want her back for the right reasons. If it’s because you can’t stand the thought of her being with someone else or if living alone is scary to you, then you want her back for the wrong reasons.

In addition, you’ll have to commit yourself to making whatever self improvements are needed to make the relationship work.

Next, you’ll have to resist the impulse to barrage her with lots of phone calls, attention, and uninvited encounters. This will only make you appear desperate, weak and needy. These weren’t the qualities that attracted her to you in the first place.

Beware of advice offered up by your friends. People don’t trouble themselves with much thought when giving their opinions. Since the problem isn’t theirs, not much effort will be expended in careful thought.

The most difficult part of getting your girlfriend back is early in the breakup when strong emotions are controlling your thoughts and actions. You must take care not to ‘lose it’ with your ex or say anything that will inflict hurt. This can destroy any prospects of getting back with her. You simply will give her more justification for leaving you.

There’s nothing attractive about ugly behavior. You have to get back in touch with the thinking, reasoning part of your brain. You have a problem to solve and this is what rationality is good for. So use it!

Now, the strategy for winning your girl back involves rebooting your relationship with your ex. This means exactly as it sounds. The relationship will be allowed to shutdown and then it will be restarted.

So the first thing to do is to agree to the break up in a mature manner and to make no attempts (for now) at getting her back. For the near term, you will allow things to cool off between the two of you. This is actually good since a lot of the feelings are negative at this point and you both need time for some quiet reflection.

During this cooling off period you will be making preparations for getting back with your ex. This is very similar to the preparations you’d normally make when entering the dating scene. You do whatever is needed to make yourself attractive to the opposite sex. This could mean getting in shape, learning to exude confidence or whatever needs brushing up.

When you eventually begin seeing her again, you won’t be taking your previous relationship with her for granted. It will be very similar to the process of getting to know a woman for the first time. This means taking it slow and not pressuring her with any expectations of resuming a relationship.

Getting together with your ex for the first time is very delicate and will require some finesse. You’re not asking her out on a heavy date. It’s going to be for a brief chat. During this chat you will demonstrate through your appearance, words, and actions, that you are a new man. Instead of making empty promises of change for the better, you will subtly demonstrate that you already ARE that changed man.

The idea is to get her to see you in a new light. This new side to you will create curiosity and will intrigue her. If you succeed at this then your future get togethers will eventually become dates. Remember the self improvement efforts during the cooling off stage? If you were successful at this, then the new man that she sees is real.

Want a complete step by step guide that fills in all of the details of this strategy? Check out this review of the Magic of Making Up.

If you are thinking about getting on your knees and expressing your undying love and need for her - Don’t do it. Leave this strategy to the actors in bad movies. Women are attracted to a number of qualities in men. Weakness and neediness is not one of them.

In our culture, men are supposed to be powerful and self-assured. They’re the doers, and are expected to go out into the world and to make it their own. Women expect and are attracted by this. However, a great deal has been harped over sensitivity in men.

Sensitivity will make a man more attractive but only when he has strength and self-assurance. Even so, clingy behavior, crying, and neediness will make you seem wimpy. These expressions of despair and panic should not be confused with sensitivity. It will destroy your worth to her as a man.

Begin a self improvement program. This entails improvement on both the inside and the outside. It’s time to whiten up your teeth, lose a little weight, and fix up whatever is needed to become more appealing. This is also the time to acknowledge and correct personal faults that contributed to the breakup.

Part of this self improvement phase is maintaining an active life with your friends and interests. This will diminish any feelings of depression and give you the confidence that life is possible without your ex. Your ex will sense this relaxed confidence in you and will also notice your other improvements.

By being nice to her without letting her know that you want her back, a few things will happen. First, these improvements will arouse her curiosity. She will start seeing you in a new light. Because you appear to be doing well without her, she will know that you aren’t a “sure thing” anymore.

It’s human nature to desire that which is no longer ours. Now that you are all “new and shiny” and that you aren’t necessarily hers anymore, your ex girlfriend will want you back.

Looking for a complete guide that’s blueprints the entire process of getting your girl back? See my The Magic of Making Up review and find out if this popular manual is for you.