You’ve been separated from your ex for a long time.

Now you suddenly realize that the breakup should never been allowed to happen.

What should you do?

Don’t assume that because it has been a while, that it will be impossible to get her back.

For all you know, she may be having similar misgivings or perhaps her feelings about the breakup aren’t so volatile now that some time has passed.

In any case, you won’t really know until you try.

These four tips should start you on that path and give you the best chance to make up and reconnect.

1.) You will have to get to know her again. It’s been a while and she has been through a lot. So you can’t just jump in there and take things up where they were left off. You will have to take the time and make the effort to get to know what she’s been through and the person she has become.

You can’t assume that the situation is the same. And, you really don’t want it to be the same since it was that situation that led to the breakup.

2.) Take her out on a date. Once you have an understanding of how the breakup has changed her, you will want to ask her out on a date. This date should be treated like a first date and should be romantic. This will demonstrate how serious you are about reconciliation.

3.) Don’t try to rush the pace. Doing so will make your company stressful to her which is always a bad thing. Remember that you are asking her to make a major life decision in getting back with you. She will need some time and space to process and sort out her thoughts and feelings.

4.) Be romantic and always, always be thoughtful. You may be thinking that you feel a lot of love for her. The best way to communicate this love is to do it in ways that are romantic and thoughtful. It’s obvious why you want to be romantic but being thoughtful demonstrates maturity and a seriousness of intent on your part.

So, making the effort to getting to know her again through dating in a way that’s thoughtful, romantic, and doesn’t crowd into her time and space is the key.

If you’re interested in a proven method for winning your ex back, read my review of The Magic of Making Up.

Do you want to get your girl back but aren’t certain how to go about it? Does the sight of other couples fill you with remorse? Things that were fun don’t seem to matter anymore? If so, you’re not alone. Lots of people face this every day. They made a mistake, did or said something dumb and now find themselves alone.

Humans are complex. We are for the most part aware of our own needs and wants but can be clueless or just plain wrong about those of others. Given the differences between the sexes, is it any wonder that couples break apart as often as they do? This is very true when it comes to understanding the words and actions of your ex. Too often our own feelings and needs get in the way of a clear understanding. From your ex’s point of view, your views about the breakup could even seem ridiculous.

Getting your girl back may seem hopeless but it isn’t. There are countless cases of relationships that have survived a breakup. Some of these breakups were over awful circumstances. This proves that you’ve good reason for optimism if your situation is more normal. Normal circumstances include unfaithfulness, boredom, control issues, conflicts, and all of the ‘little things’ that cause friction.

How to get your girl back: The strategy

So exactly what are the steps involved in getting her back? First you need to be sure that you want her back for the right reasons. If it’s because you can’t stand the thought of her being with someone else or if living alone is scary to you, then you want her back for the wrong reasons.

In addition, you’ll have to commit yourself to making whatever self improvements are needed to make the relationship work.

Next, you’ll have to resist the impulse to barrage her with lots of phone calls, attention, and uninvited encounters. This will only make you appear desperate, weak and needy. These weren’t the qualities that attracted her to you in the first place.

Beware of advice offered up by your friends. People don’t trouble themselves with much thought when giving their opinions. Since the problem isn’t theirs, not much effort will be expended in careful thought.

The most difficult part of getting your girlfriend back is early in the breakup when strong emotions are controlling your thoughts and actions. You must take care not to ‘lose it’ with your ex or say anything that will inflict hurt. This can destroy any prospects of getting back with her. You simply will give her more justification for leaving you.

There’s nothing attractive about ugly behavior. You have to get back in touch with the thinking, reasoning part of your brain. You have a problem to solve and this is what rationality is good for. So use it!

Now, the strategy for winning your girl back involves rebooting your relationship with your ex. This means exactly as it sounds. The relationship will be allowed to shutdown and then it will be restarted.

So the first thing to do is to agree to the break up in a mature manner and to make no attempts (for now) at getting her back. For the near term, you will allow things to cool off between the two of you. This is actually good since a lot of the feelings are negative at this point and you both need time for some quiet reflection.

During this cooling off period you will be making preparations for getting back with your ex. This is very similar to the preparations you’d normally make when entering the dating scene. You do whatever is needed to make yourself attractive to the opposite sex. This could mean getting in shape, learning to exude confidence or whatever needs brushing up.

When you eventually begin seeing her again, you won’t be taking your previous relationship with her for granted. It will be very similar to the process of getting to know a woman for the first time. This means taking it slow and not pressuring her with any expectations of resuming a relationship.

Getting together with your ex for the first time is very delicate and will require some finesse. You’re not asking her out on a heavy date. It’s going to be for a brief chat. During this chat you will demonstrate through your appearance, words, and actions, that you are a new man. Instead of making empty promises of change for the better, you will subtly demonstrate that you already ARE that changed man.

The idea is to get her to see you in a new light. This new side to you will create curiosity and will intrigue her. If you succeed at this then your future get togethers will eventually become dates. Remember the self improvement efforts during the cooling off stage? If you were successful at this, then the new man that she sees is real.

Want a complete step by step guide that fills in all of the details of this strategy? Check out this review of the Magic of Making Up.