Do you want to get your girl back but aren’t sure how to go about it? Does the sight of other couples remind you of the emptiness of your own life? Favorite activities don’t really matter anymore? If so, you’re not alone. Numerous people are coping with this on a day-to-day basis. All of this because of a mistake or something dumb that they said and now they are alone.

Humans are complex. We are keyed in to our own wants and needs but are completely deaf to those of other people. Add to this the male / female differences and it’s surprising that breakups aren’t even more common. This is especially true when it comes to understanding the words and actions of your ex. Most of us are focused on our own needs, this interferes with our understanding of others. As a matter of fact, more often than not, your ex’s explanation for the breakup will be entirely different from your own.

Getting your girl back may seem hopeless but it isn’t. Relationships that have survived a breakup are very common. Many of these happened over some very painful circumstances. This proves that you have good reason for optimism if your situation is more normal. Normal circumstances include control issues, boredom, conflicts, infidelity, and all of the small stuff that generate friction.

How to get your girl back: The strategy

So exactly what are the steps involved in getting her back? First you need to be sure that you want her back for the right reasons. If it’s because you can’t stand the thought of her being with someone else or if living alone is scary to you, then you want her back for the wrong reasons.

In addition, you’ll have to commit yourself to making whatever self improvements are needed to make the relationship work.

Next, you’ll have to resist the impulse to barrage her with lots of phone calls, attention, and uninvited encounters. This will only make you appear desperate, weak and needy. These weren’t the qualities that attracted her to you in the first place.

Beware of advice offered up by your friends. People don’t trouble themselves with much thought when giving their opinions. Since the problem isn’t theirs, not much effort will be expended in careful thought.

The most difficult part of getting your girlfriend back is early in the breakup when strong emotions are controlling your thoughts and actions. You must take care not to ‘lose it’ with your ex or say anything that will inflict hurt. This can destroy any prospects of getting back with her. You simply will give her more justification for leaving you.

There’s nothing attractive about ugly behavior. You have to get back in touch with the thinking, reasoning part of your brain. You have a problem to solve and this is what rationality is good for. So use it!

Now, the strategy for winning your girl back involves rebooting your relationship with your ex. This means exactly as it sounds. The relationship will be allowed to shutdown and then it will be restarted.

So the first thing to do is to agree to the break up in a mature manner and to make no attempts (for now) at getting her back. For the near term, you will allow things to cool off between the two of you. This is actually good since a lot of the feelings are negative at this point and you both need time for some quiet reflection.

During this cooling off period you will be making preparations for getting back with your ex. This is very similar to the preparations you’d normally make when entering the dating scene. You do whatever is needed to make yourself attractive to the opposite sex. This could mean getting in shape, learning to exude confidence or whatever needs brushing up.

When you eventually begin seeing her again, you won’t be taking your previous relationship with her for granted. It will be very similar to the process of getting to know a woman for the first time. This means taking it slow and not pressuring her with any expectations of resuming a relationship.

Getting together with your ex for the first time is very delicate and will require some finesse. You’re not asking her out on a heavy date. It’s going to be for a brief chat. During this chat you will demonstrate through your appearance, words, and actions, that you are a new man. Instead of making empty promises of change for the better, you will subtly demonstrate that you already ARE that changed man.

The idea is to get her to see you in a new light. This new side to you will create curiosity and will intrigue her. If you succeed at this then your future get togethers will eventually become dates. Remember the self improvement efforts during the cooling off stage? If you were successful at this, then the new man that she sees is real.

Want a complete step by step guide that fills in all of the details of this strategy? Check out this review of the Magic of Making Up.

1.) Try to get your mind off of the breakup. It’s a natural tendency to want to stew over every little detail of the breakup and it’s going to take will power to break off this habit. At every chance you get, you will want to think about it and talk it over with anyone willing to listen.

If you fail to break out of this, you will turn into one of those people who get stuck in the past, stuck on a past relationship. So stop giving in to this now, and find other things to think about.

2.) Do your best to remain on good terms with your ex. Keeping up a friendship will keep the channels open for a future reconciliation. Make an effort to help them when needed and they will do the same for you.

3.) Don’t neglect you personal appearance and hygiene. Because you’re down in the dumps, you will find any excuse to just let yourself go. Perhaps you may feel that there isn’t any point and that no one will care anyway. The danger with this type of thinking is it will often become self fulfilling.

People, including your ex, will begin to keep their distance from you and you will find yourself alone.

4.) The last and most important point: Don’t give up. People get back together with their ex all the time. So the odds are much better than you think.