Surviving A Breakup – A Rebound Relationship Is Not The Answer

A break up is painful on many levels. This pain is especially intense for the person who was dumped.

He or she is caught up in the pain of loss. When your life is built up around a relationship, you get used to the good things that the relationship brings into your life.

survive a breakup
Photo by Neal.

The bonding between you and the other person consists of thousands of connections that your psyche has grown accustomed to.

After the break up, these connections are severed, leaving feelings of emptiness. Now, it is an understandable desire to want to rush into another relationship.

But the rebound relationship is almost always a bad idea because it often leads to yet another break up which starts the cycle of break up pain all over again. The reason is that this new relationship that you’ve run to is really just an escape from the pain and loneliness of the break up.

It has little to do with the new person with whom you are involved. It is an attempt to distract yourself away from the pain of breaking up. This other person is being used like one would use a drug to numb out pain. Some insecure people will use rebound relationships to prove to themselves that they are still lovable.

Are You A Rebounder? 9 Signs:

You enjoy your partner’s company but you feel reluctant about having sex with him or her.
You find yourself comparing your partner with your ex.
You want your partner to have the same attributes that you liked about your ex.
You experience a strong negative reaction to any traits in your partner that resemble qualities you disliked in your ex.
You can’t stop thinking about your ex.
You are still hanging on to various momentos, letters, cards, and photos of your ex.
You bring up your ex frequently in your conversations.
You keep tabs on your ex through his or her friends or family.
You wasted no time finding a new partner after your break up.

The healthiest approach is to become self sufficient and comfortable with living on your own first before becoming romantically involved again. Reacquaint yourself with the benefits of being free of attachments. The demands and sacrifices of your past relationship have been lifted, so use your freedom to do whatever you want.

Remember that there was a time in your life before the relationship when you were also happy. There are always pro’s and con’s to everything in life. The secret to happiness is enjoying the pro’s of the situation that you find yourself in, learning from mistakes, and moving on. If you find this difficult to do, get the support you need from your family and friends or join a support group.

After the most of the pain of break up is behind you, it is then time to start dating again. Don’t be afraid to take risks. If there is someone who doesn’t seem to be your type, ask the person out anyway. You can’t make a true judgement about someone until after you get to know them.

Play the field and invite out a variety of people before becoming involved in any one person. When you do find that special someone, be sure to apply the lessons learned from past mistakes to your new relationship.

Remember that a healthy relationship is one that adds to your life. Starting a relationship in order to fill in an emotional hole is a recipe for another break up. It just means more pain for you and it isn’t fair to the other person.

If you’re interested in a proven method for getting back your ex, read my review of The Magic of Making Up.