The things that can go wrong in a relationship seem to be endless. Given the differences between the sexes, friction is inevitable. Sometimes the conflicts are so frequent and violent that a permanent breakup is the best thing to do.

Often however, couples break up for silly little reasons that blow up over time. You can avoid this by recognizing and dealing with the following most common reasons for a breakup.

All of these reasons stem from self centeredness and can be avoided by remembering that you are part of a couple. Your concerns must include those of your partner as well as your own.

1.) Not caring about or expressing care for the feelings of your partner. When you are troubled by something or if something fantastic has happened, you’d naturally want to share this with your partner. Imagine him or her not listening or bothering to respond. How would this make you feel?

Remember, you’re part of a couple now, the concerns of the other are your concerns as well. The key here is listening and thoughtfully responding.

2.) Being a control freak. Relationships aren’t perfect democracies. It’s only natural that there will be a dominant person in the couple. This is largely determined by the personality types involved. When the dominant member over does it, the relationship stands on rocky ground. No one wants to be treated as a slave or a robot.

There are many reasons for controlling behavior, most of which are pathological. If you find yourself doing this, stop it right now. Understand that your partner is a person with needs that you should be concerned about.

3.) Cheating on your partner. This is a very serious offense that in many circumstances is unforgivable. In addition to the emotional trauma that you’ll be causing, you’re also exposing your partner to disease.

If you find that you can’t control this very base instinct, you don’t belong in any relationship. You should resign yourself to remaining a solitary individual for the rest of your life.

4.) Lack of fun and spontaneity. This is often the fate of many relationships. After you’ve spent a lot of time with another person, they become so familiar that boredom slowly creeps in. Everything requires maintenance over time and your relationship is no exception. If you want your love to remain strong you’ll have to put some energy and imagination into keeping it enjoyable.

5.) Allowing arguments and fights to escalate out of control. A little self restraint now and then is never a bad thing. Diplomacy can be useful as well. A small unresolvable issue can really blow up over time.

It’s best to understand why the same argument keeps surfacing and to do something about it. Arguments in general are normal but be careful not to allow them to become a habit. They can get worse in severity if both partners get reactive or ‘touchy’. If the fight is over a small matter then just give in. There’s no shame in agreeing to take the trash out.

If you are thinking about getting on your knees and expressing your undying love and need for her - Don’t do it. Leave this strategy to the actors in bad movies. Women are attracted to a number of qualities in men. Weakness and neediness is not one of them.

In our culture, men are supposed to be powerful and self-assured. They’re the doers, and are expected to go out into the world and to make it their own. Women expect and are attracted by this. However, a great deal has been harped over sensitivity in men.

Sensitivity will make a man more attractive but only when he has strength and self-assurance. Even so, clingy behavior, crying, and neediness will make you seem wimpy. These expressions of despair and panic should not be confused with sensitivity. It will destroy your worth to her as a man.

Begin a self improvement program. This entails improvement on both the inside and the outside. It’s time to whiten up your teeth, lose a little weight, and fix up whatever is needed to become more appealing. This is also the time to acknowledge and correct personal faults that contributed to the breakup.

Part of this self improvement phase is maintaining an active life with your friends and interests. This will diminish any feelings of depression and give you the confidence that life is possible without your ex. Your ex will sense this relaxed confidence in you and will also notice your other improvements.

By being nice to her without letting her know that you want her back, a few things will happen. First, these improvements will arouse her curiosity. She will start seeing you in a new light. Because you appear to be doing well without her, she will know that you aren’t a “sure thing” anymore.

It’s human nature to desire that which is no longer ours. Now that you are all “new and shiny” and that you aren’t necessarily hers anymore, your ex girlfriend will want you back.

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If you have recently broken up and want to get back with your ex, the very first thing to do is to try to regain some sense of balance in your emotional state. If not, you’ll be subject to acting on impulses that are fueled by the intense emotions of the breakup. Acting on these impulses will only make the process of reconciliation that much harder.

Once you’ve regained control, you will want to refrain from making any immediate contact with your ex. You’ll need some time to assess whether the relationship is truly worth being saved.

Do you have any serious doubts about getting back together with your ex? If this is the case, you ought to give it a lot of careful thinking before proceeding with this. Don’t forget the reasons for breaking up in the first place. Will they reoccur? If so, how will you approach this differently? Remember, modifying your behavior won’t come about overnight.

It seems senseless to continue if more fights and breakups happen in the future. Make sure that fear of the unknown, of loneliness, or of being single are not your true motivations for staying on. If a better relationship is right around the corner, there’s no need to get trapped in a poor one. The worse your current circumstances are, the better the odds that any change will be an improvement.

If you’ve decided that your relationship is worth saving, then the next assessment will be the most difficult: what was your contribution to the breakup? What personal shortcomings are at fault? For many people this type of self assessment will be next to impossible to make.

The problem is that anger makes you rationalize and justify your behavior. It always shifts the blame to someone else. You have to get free of this trap in order to make the required changes and adjustments. Have you ever seen two angry people insisting that the other person was in the right?

Once you’ve broken free from the anger trap, you’ll have to take responsibility for your contribution to the breakup. Only then will you be able to devise a plan for self improvement which will be an essential part of getting back with your ex. Taking your share of the responsibility will also make you come across as mature which is a trait that most women value.

Remember that taking your share of the blame does not obligate her to do the same. Trying to force her to admit fault is an instant recipe for more conflict. You should never have any expectations of her doing this.

Any plans for self improvement will require a commitment on your part to make them stick. If you want your reconciliation with your ex to be permanent, then the changes and improvements you’ve made to yourself will have to be permanent. So don’t let old habits sabotage your efforts.

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You and your ex have had a parting of the ways but now you have this sinking feeling that the break up was a mistake. If she also had the same regrets as yours, then you might stand a decent chance at getting her back. But asking her straight out may be too chancy, so perhaps some subtlety is needed here.

Before anything else, think over the nature of the breakup. How severe was the situation? If the difficulties were over small things that finally blew up into something big, she’ll probably want to come back after a little cooling off.

It’s less clear if more serious issues were at the heart of the break up. If this is your situation then you need to tune into the small signals from your ex that she wants you back. Here are twelve:

1.) Is she having adjustment problems? If she is, then her relationship with you is still important to her. It means that she too is hurting from this loss.

2.) Does she want to be friends with you? This means that she’s unable to completely let go. Remaining friends with her is very advantageous. It keeps intact an open channel of communication. Over time, this can be leveraged to get her back.

3.) Does she tend to apologize for some of things that she said during the heat of the break up? This indicates a desire to make amends.

4.) Does she volunteer compliments about you when you talk? Even an indirect compliment about something that you own has significance.

5.) Is your ex seeing someone else? If she’s not involved with anyone and you’ve been separated for a while, it could mean that she values the relationship the both of you had. Perhaps no one else measures up.

6.) Has she stayed in contact with you? This means calling you up, returning your phone calls, and engaging in conversation with you.

7.) What do her eyes and body language tell you? If she has an interest in you, her eyes will widen and her brows will lift slightly when she first notices your presence. You should also look for dilated pupils. Be alert to prolonged eye contact when you converse as well as her making small adjustments to her hair.

8.) Another indication of interest is mirroring. Mirroring is a subtle imitation by her of your mood or of your body language. Other things she may mirror include the rhythm, loudness and tone of your speech.

9.) Is the word “you” used a lot in her speech when she talks to you? If so, she is using second person speech which is a more personal way of communicating than third person speech.

10.) Is she still doing the small favors for you like she did in the past? She wouldn’t be doing this if she had no interest in you.

11.) Does she conclude a lot of her sentences with a question asking for approval or agreement? The questions at the end of her sentences are an attempt to draw you deeper into the conversation.

12.) Finally, be alert to any sort of nostalgic talk about your past relationship.

1.) Try to get your mind off of the breakup. It’s a natural tendency to want to stew over every little detail of the breakup and it’s going to take will power to break off this habit. At every chance you get, you will want to think about it and talk it over with anyone willing to listen.

If you fail to break out of this, you will turn into one of those people who get stuck in the past, stuck on a past relationship. So stop giving in to this now, and find other things to think about.

2.) Do your best to remain on good terms with your ex. Keeping up a friendship will keep the channels open for a future reconciliation. Make an effort to help them when needed and they will do the same for you.

3.) Don’t neglect you personal appearance and hygiene. Because you’re down in the dumps, you will find any excuse to just let yourself go. Perhaps you may feel that there isn’t any point and that no one will care anyway. The danger with this type of thinking is it will often become self fulfilling.

People, including your ex, will begin to keep their distance from you and you will find yourself alone.

4.) The last and most important point: Don’t give up. People get back together with their ex all the time. So the odds are much better than you think.