How to Keep Your Relationship Strong for the Long Term
One of the most common complaints that women have about their partner is that after a while the guy just stops doing all the nice things that he used to do when they first dated.
It seems that when the guy knows that he has her, he’ll take her for granted.
Although some men will take their significant others for granted, often the problem has more to do with differences in how men and women value things. Men tend to value things in a very proportionate manner. Big things are valued a lot. Little things are valued a little.
Since small things have such little value, a lot of men couldn’t be bothered with them. That’s why a man’s apartment tends to be austere compared to a woman’s. His apartment decor will reflect the few big things that really matter to him and nothing else.
His long term approach to a relationship is similar to his approach to decor. The big, grand gestures are what matter. The little things are just that, they’re little and therefore aren’t bothered with.
So when a guy first dates a woman, he knows that there are certain little rituals that he must observe in order to get her interest. After the relationship is more established, he reverts to his usual value system and stops doing the small things for his partner because small things are meaningless trifles to him.
- Men often need only three dates to know that they are falling in love. Women take almost five times longer (about 14 dates or so) to know if they are in love.
- A man greatest fears about entering a new relationship with a woman is that she won’t allow him enough free time, she will get between him and his friends, she will lose respect when she knows him better, or she will require too much maintenance.
- Because they are more sensitive to sounds and smells, women place a greater importance on the “atmosphere” of a place or room.
Women tend to place equal value on everything, big and small. So when her partner stops doing all of the pleasant dating rituals, she begins to feel unappreciated.
What is important then, is to understand this difference in values between men and women and to make an effort at expressing your affection in lots of small ways. You will need to do this frequently. If you keep up with the small gestures, you won’t have to make as many big ones.
Remember that although your gestures will be small, your objective, which is a strong relationship, is very big.
These value differences are explained well in this video:
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Comments on How to Keep Your Relationship Strong for the Long Term
thanks a lot…like what there already…say
our girl should deserve more then just love…
This is a nice one am so greatful, I have finally realized that I love her so much
i used to pleasant things in the first date which is new love, but here comes a time i realise that i got her. i start stop everything and i give her a space. but now i have change back to the first date, now i love her…. keeping the strong love we used to have……
Hi shehari,
It’s human nature to take what we have for granted. That is what he is doing to you. As long as he knows that you need him, he will always act this way. The best way to fix this is to become a more independent person by developing interests that don’t revolve around him. This means getting hobbies and seeing friends more often. It means understanding that while he is an important part of your life, he is not your whole life. Being happy means loving your life. This can’t happen unless you have a life that is well rounded. If you can do this you won’t need him as much and you can make yourself less available to him and he will then pay attention to you more. Don’t tell him that you are doing this. Just go ahead and do it.
Some people would suggest threatening to leave him but I think that will only generate resentment and might backfire.
m shehari …..this is true…im feeling these days this…he not careing me like before…because he know that m not leaving him if he does any wrong…..m doing this because i need him and i love him…but why he not realized that yet…and not only he doing wrong things..m also doing wrong things..but what can i do for takink ma earlier love back????
@nelli – I wish I had made it. I’m not John Gray, this video is located on Youtube. Most videos on youtube let you embed them on your website. It fits in perfectly with the subject of this post so I embedded it here.
Very true. this video was great. i want to attend your talk john gray. you’re great! thanks for this
this is very true! i stoped giving my girl little things once i finally got her. i thinks she deserves more than this, but now i realised my mistake.thanks alot.love this piece so much!