Do you want to get your girl back but aren’t sure how to approach it? Does the sight of other couples bother you because it reminds you of what you’re missing? Things that were enjoyable don’t seem to matter any longer? If so, you are not alone in this. This happens to everybody at some point in their lives. They made a mistake, did or said something dumb and now find themselves alone.

Humans are very complicated. We’re so perfectly attuned to our own inner thoughts and needs, yet can be so blind to those of other people. Given the differences between the sexes, is it any wonder that couples break apart as often as they do? This is surely the case when it concerns understanding the behavior of your ex. This focus on our own feelings and needs can blind us to a true understanding. From your ex’s point of view, your thoughts about the breakup might even seem ridiculous.

Getting your girl back may seem impossible but it’s not. Countless relationships survive their stormy periods and break ups. Some of these break ups happened over awful circumstances. If your situation is fairly normal then you have good reason to be optimistic. Some of these normal situations include boredom, conflicts, infidelity, control issues, and all of the ‘small things’ that can produce friction.

How to get your girl back: The strategy

So exactly what are the steps involved in getting her back? First you need to be sure that you want her back for the right reasons. If it’s because you can’t stand the thought of her being with someone else or if living alone is scary to you, then you want her back for the wrong reasons.

In addition, you’ll have to commit yourself to making whatever self improvements are needed to make the relationship work.

Next, you’ll have to resist the impulse to barrage her with lots of phone calls, attention, and uninvited encounters. This will only make you appear desperate, weak and needy. These weren’t the qualities that attracted her to you in the first place.

Beware of advice offered up by your friends. People don’t trouble themselves with much thought when giving their opinions. Since the problem isn’t theirs, not much effort will be expended in careful thought.

The most difficult part of getting your girlfriend back is early in the breakup when strong emotions are controlling your thoughts and actions. You must take care not to ‘lose it’ with your ex or say anything that will inflict hurt. This can destroy any prospects of getting back with her. You simply will give her more justification for leaving you.

There’s nothing attractive about ugly behavior. You have to get back in touch with the thinking, reasoning part of your brain. You have a problem to solve and this is what rationality is good for. So use it!

So the first thing to do is to agree to the break up in a mature manner and to make no attempts (just yet) at getting her back. For the near term, you will allow things to cool off some between the two of you. This is actually good since a lot of the feelings are negative at this point and you both need time for some quiet reflection.

During this cooling off period you will be making preparations for getting back with your ex. This is very similar to the preparations you’d normally make when entering the dating scene. You do whatever is needed to make yourself attractive to the opposite sex. This could mean getting in shape, learning to exude confidence or whatever needs brushing up.

When you eventually begin seeing her again, you won’t be taking your previous relationship with her for granted. It will be very similar to the process of getting to know a woman for the first time. This means taking it slow and not pressuring her with any expectations of resuming a relationship.

Getting together with your ex for the first time is very delicate and will require some finesse. You’re not asking her out on a heavy date. It’s going to be for a brief chat. During this chat you will demonstrate through your appearance, words, and actions, that you are a new man. Instead of making empty promises of change for the better, you will subtly demonstrate that you already ARE that changed man.

The idea is to get her to see you in a new light. This new side to you will create curiosity and will intrigue her. If you succeed at this then your future get togethers will eventually become dates. Remember the self improvement efforts during the cooling off stage? If you were successful at this, then the new man that she sees is real.

Want a complete step by step guide that fills in all of the details of this strategy? Check out this review of the Magic of Making Up.