Break Up Pain – How To Move Past A Painful Break Up
Breaking up can inflict a very deep type of pain that is close in nature to the process of grieving.
Your significant other has left, leaving a hole in you that refuses to heal. The relationship itself seems to have “passed on”, never to return.
As with all of the pain that people around the world must endure, life goes on.
It’s essential to your emotional health that you succeed in getting through the pain. Getting on with your life should be more than surviving, you want to be thriving again. Below is some advice for putting the pain behind you and moving forward.
1.) Accept That The Relationship Is Over
Your mind says it’s over but the heart may take longer to “get it”. If you are always thinking about and reminiscing over the great times you had, it will take longer for your heart (the subconscious mind) to get over the breakup. Whenever you find yourself thinking about him or her, remember they also had bad points that made your life difficult.
Despite what you may think, the world is a big place and there are lots of other people who are more compatible with you. But you can’t take advantage of this if you are telling yourself that your ex was “the one”, that no one else will ever make you as happy.
The truth is, there are many potential partners who could make you much happier. You simply need to give it some time and effort.
2.) Stay Involved With The People In Your Life
Even without your ex, there are other people in your life who also matter. Now is not the time to be the rugged individualist.
Keeping it all to yourself will make your attempt at getting over the pain even more difficult. So get in touch with your friends and allow them to help out.
3.) Don’t Fixate On The Break Up Or On The Relationship Itself
It is a normal thing to want to analyze the details of the breakup. Depending on how you do this it can either soak up too much of your emotional reserves and energy or it can be beneficial.
When these feelings happen, it’s important that you not ignore or suppress them. This will prolong the grieving period.
Simply acknowledge them and tell yourself that you are moving on and things will get better. Even if you don’t believe this, telling it to yourself sends your subconscious mind a message that will take hold with enough repetition.
Problems will happen when you voluntarily choose to re-experience this pain. This is known as wallowing in your grief.
So acknowledgment when the pain happens on its own volition is healthy. But seeking out this pain or fixating on it is not.
Get rid of mementos, keepsakes, or any sentimental gifts that remind you of your ex. Hanging on to these just prolong the pain. They will also cause difficulties with your future partner.
As I said before, being with other people is important for getting past the pain. Discussing your breakup with them can be helpful but don’t get carried away. The main reason for being with others is to get involved again with life and to enjoy it.
- When a man wants to break up with a woman, his behavior toward her will change. These break up signs include spending less of his time with her, avoiding kissing her particularly during sex, starting fights and arguments, ending his romantic gestures, and his physical expressions of affection such as hugging or kissing become superficial.
- Because they are more actively dating, young people have had more break ups in the last decade than older people.
- It is never good to try to hold on to or obsess over a relationship long after it has ended. This “baggage” is harmful to your emotional health and gets in the way of forming new relationships.
4.) Don’t Listen To Sad Music
For the time being, don’t listen to anything that will dredge up the painful emotions of the breakup. Music is incredibly powerful at manipulating your emotions. So play something more happy.
5.) Stay Out Of The Self Pity, Sadness Trap
Otherwise you could get baited into the living death called depression. Take my word for it that you don’t want to go there. Depression is a serious mental illness that shortens and even ends the lives of it’s sufferers.
Often, music or cinema portrays sadness as a kind of sweet melancholy that can be very moving and may feel “good”. But this sadness is artificially induced and ends with the conclusion of the movie or song. Real personal sadness can be a consuming bottomless pit that has no end.
6.) Start Exercising And Get Into Shape
Besides being good for your health and improving your appearance, exercise is good for your emotional health. Those of you who are exercise fanatics know exactly what I mean.
Feeling stressed? Hit the road and run five miles or go to the gym and do some swimming, weight lifting, or try working out on the many machines available at these places.
Set a goal for yourself and stick with it. A healthier body and an overall sense of well being will result.
Regular exercise, especially if it is aerobic (activities that cause you to breath heavily) causes the brain to release “feel good” hormones into the bloodstream.
These naturally occurring hormones are very potent. Believe it or not, marathoners often feel addicted to their exercise because of this. In this case it’s a healthy addiction.
7.) Do Something Now About That Feeling Of Emptiness
The pain of breakup typically involve feelings of emptiness or of having a hole or void within you. Part of this is the loss of the emotional life you had with your ex.
But another part of this is the loss of a comfortable routine you could return to after work. You should replace this comfortable routine with another that is fun and enjoyable. This means getting more involved in social activities related to friends or interests that you enjoy.
This can be anything ranging from sports, workout groups, hiking groups, rock climbing groups, learning to play the guitar and practicing with others, I can go on here but you get the picture.
The main point is that it center on shared activities with other people be they friends or strangers who have the same level of interest or fanaticism.
8.) Be Optimistic About The Rest Of Your Life
This optimism should also be applied to your future prospects of finding love. People the world over and throughout history have had breakups and have moved on to live happy lives. It’s possible that you can win back your ex.
But if it wasn’t meant to be, there will be other opportunities to find love. You need only put forth the effort and just go ahead and do it.
Attracting someone new in your life requires being more outward directed. Leave the self absorption behind when you’re in social situations. Conduct yourself in a more relaxed and casual manner.
Find pleasure in good conversation and good humor with those around you whether at a party or at the grocery store.
If you want to be more proactive, there are plenty of dating clubs and singles sites to choose from. A less formal approach is to join clubs that center around activities that are known to be just a cover for people wanting to meet the opposite sex.
If you’re interested in a proven method for winning back your girl, read my review of The Magic of Making Up.
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Comments on Break Up Pain – How To Move Past A Painful Break Up
@kt: Working on your independence is good. Time will also help. Try some of the suggestions above even if you don’t feel like it. It will help.
me and my boyfriend of about 10 months just recently broke up after spring break. We had had some rough points along the way and almost called it quits in december but kept working through things because we cared so much. He ended things with me, saying that we were simply on different pages, and what he wanted/needed out of the relationship didn’t make up with mine. It’s a really tough situation for me because I live with his best friend (girl) and another one of my roommates has class with him..not exactly a clean breakup since he is still connected to my life. We exchanged some texts over the past few weeks but the last conversation ended with him saying I need to let go, and move on, and delete his # and facebook, etc. I’m just extremely lost and sad and cannot think about anything else other than this situation. I never really got the closure I needed because we ended things when I was away on vacation. I know that the timing for us is just not right, but I know that I will not get over him for a very long time, if ever. I know I need to let go of the past, but I am holding onto it for him. I want to work on myself and learn to be more independent, and hopefully reconnect with him one day. I know this is not the mindset I should have, but the thought of letting go completely seems near impossible.
yeah right, reading some of your stories lessen the pain. no words can define how much it hurts after breakup. it’s been 1 month when my ex boyfriend left me. after that no conversation at all. it really hurts but i have to let him go. moving on process is not that easy.
@dimple: time will heal all wounds that you feel…that’s all what i can say because i also felt that pain and it’s really hard to forget someone you don’t really want to forget. Just don’t stay alone in your room and keep in touch with your family and friends,Socialize and let time heal the wound in your heart. Someone out there will love you,the way you wanted to.
they said that if you loved a person, you will definitely be happy if you will see him happy…but, that was not what i feel right now. i feel so sad that after what we’ve been through he can already smile and be happy together with someone else after the 2 years that we’ve been together, i feel that i am not that important to him after all those years…
@jill: tnx. i’ve already done that thing and now i am only focusing myself to my studies and to my family. I’ve already realized that my feelings for him will be going nowhere so i should focus on what matters now to me and that is my studies.
We spent 7 1/2 years together and now he wants to breakup and move out into his own place. I have a 13 year old son and I don’t know how this will affect him. It hurts because I don’t understand why. We were suppose to get married now he is moving on. Saying he wants to try something different and see if the grass is greener.
@cheska:
Maybe you should start by putting ur mates advice in your head that would help you out alot.
I have just broken up with my bf and it hurts so much we had only been together for a year an a half, but im young and to me thats the longest relationship i have had i was his first love but he wasnt mine. The reason we broke up was because i invited a guy over to my house while he was away that he hates. I did it to make myself feel better as when he’s drunk he’s a total flirt and a idiot. Also when i started working he started to watch porn while i was at work and then isolating himself by playing xbox 24/7 and completly ignoring me. We also didnt spend new years together and i feel that he cheated on me during that time we wer’nt together or if not before. There is just no trust and a relationship is screwed if theres no trust. Its hard because i love him and part of me dose’nt want to move on but part of me dose.
Im broken now
i cant accept what had happen. i feel like alone. even if hes the one who breaking up ,I still want him. even if there is someone new in his life i still want him back. i dont know what to do. all the advices of my friends i did not put it to my mind . i dont know what happen to me. i want him back even if he hurts me sooo much. help :’(
@Marc: i am afraid to fall for him coz i know that he’s loving anyone else. i just can’t manage the way he treated me, his sweetness, but his just like that. sweet. actually some of our common friends also said that they might fall in love with him because of his sweetness…
i just don’t know what to do with this feelings and i can’t avoid him because he was my classmate…
@Me, Moving On..: If it’s any consolation, very few people stay with their first. Getting better at relationships and choosing the right partner takes experience and that means making mistakes and learning from them. It’s also ones first experience at breaking up which one isn’t prepared for, making it especially difficult. Good luck.
this is very helpful.. thank you so much for this. i just broke up with my ex-boyfriend because we outgrew each other as a couple. a few years ago, we became a couple but we never really actually pursued it because we were still young and naive. after a few years, we saw each other and fell in-love. but there were circumstances hindering us from being happy. my parents didn’t approve of him due to some reasons in the past, but it didn’t stop me from seeing him. i defied all odds and still stayed with him. in the long run, he began to complain about me, not having to spend so much time with him for the reason that my job is so demanding that i barely have time for myself. those little heated, unresolved arguments led to another and because even worse eventually, led to a painful break-up. now, i’m trying to move on.. it’s really hard because he was my first love.. i never really stopped thinking about him ever since.. =(
@cheska: Is this something you just need to get off your chest or do you wish a relationship but are afraid he won’t reciprocate and perhaps lose the friendship? If you want a relationship, then rather than blurting out your feelings you could give him the normal signals of your attraction. Watch and see if he responds with similar signals of attraction. If he seems blind or seems to pull away somewhat then you have your “answer” without spilling the beans and putting the friendship at risk. If your signals draw him closer to you then keep this up and nature will take its course and he will likely ask you out.
If you aren’t interested in him but need to get these feelings off your chest, you can try talking with another trusted friend and to get these feelings expressed. If that isn’t enough, then as a last resort you will have think of a way of expressing them to him in a very platonic way.
@*Jean: @jean
sometimes, you need to build spaces between each other in order for you to move on to your life. Breaking up is really painful especially if you know that you still love him and you know he loves u…
i think u both need space and time, space for you to move on because you can never forget or move on if you were still always communicating with each other…unless you want to fight for your feelings, or you both want to fight the feelings you have for each other…
time for you to lessen the pain and heal the wound and when you already accept the fact that you are both not meant for each other,it is good for you to start being friends with him because sometimes it is painful to force yourself to forget a person that you know you doesn’t want to forget….
nid sum advice
there’s a guy that is very sweet and caring to me, i don’t love him but because of his treatment and care for me, i am starting to fall for him. i know that he is normally sweet when it comes to his friends but i think i’m falling for him but i don’t want to lose our friendship….
what should i do with my feelings? should i tell it to him or just ignore it?
i never thought i would see the day wow
@kari: all i did to forget my love of my life was smoke and smoke my pain away. i know it aint the healthy or the adult way of doing so. but jesus i realised she was just a shadow in my life…fair enough we had some amazing times but in the end i got there..i won i got over her god bless.
i like d’ idea brow.. tnx
I came from fresh break up 1month ago. It so hard to move on especially i always see him. Yeah we love each other but we need to let our feelings gone just to make people happy around him. The last time he texted was yesterday night and we fought regarding our break up. I asked him to stopped texting me because it hurts me alot.. How can i moving on if i know we still love each other..
@cheska: I feel ya cheska trust o think is everyyhing
Hey every1 it going on 6 mnths now since I had to make the hardest descion ever I made. I met a girl I fell head over heels 4 . 7 years we together. I was so faithful never cheated we lived 2gether and 2 make long story short I found out she cheated on me with like 2 or more of my life long best bro s. I had to leave her and end our lives 2gether because I’m not gonna b that guy who every1 knows his girl is cheating and stays with her. I now just turned 3o n feel I wasted my 20 s . It’s so hard I.still dream everynight with her in it. She already moved in with some chump. N I haven’t had 1 date n have to start all over with meeting women again lol . I just need help getting out of this slump. I’m also scared I will bring baggage from bieng so hurt to next relastionships any advise . I’m not a looser I have my own place n am not shy with women I’m just have a big guard up thanks for if time srry so long. Need my mojo back LOL
Only weeks have passed since i’ve decided to end my relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years. It was a very painful break up since he decided already to marry a girl whom he only meet for a month and the most painful is he keeps on telling me that he loves me so much and he does not love that girl and i keep on asking him, “what’s the reason of getting married to her if you doesn’t love her”? and in fact it was he’s decision to marry not his parents decision. He just keep on saying sorry and he said that he didn’t mean it…He keeps on telling me lies and it hurts me so much. In fact there are a lot of instances that he lied to me but i forgive him because for me it should not be a reason for me to break up with him. I’ve trusted him so much.
We have an open relationship before and almost all my relatives and friends known him and the same with him and so it was really painful to forget him.
There are a lot of details in our break up but i doesn’t want anymore to talk about it all coz it only hurts me.
i’ve read your article and it was really helpful. in fact, that was what i really applied to my self.
it was really good to have your friends that you can lean on whenever you are down. in my case, days after our break up, i only cry and cry and cry to my friends. i share to them what have happened during our break up and they always asks me to come with them in order for me to move on.
they said that i should accept the fact that we are not really meant for each other and there are a lot of persons more deserving than him…i am a cheerful and jolly person and i use it in order to surpass the struggles in my life but there is still a place in my heart that is crying and i admit it. I still love him but i am learning to live without him….
@Pauline:
Thanks for your advised i guess you are right, I’ll but it hurts yea
@Marc: Thanks alot for your advise but i have decided to end things completely with him.I realised all along he has been cheating on me and he used my anger to make me end the relationship, guess he fooled me. He actually wanted the relationship to end thats why my efforts of getting him back had not been successful. But am now glad i know the truth coz its all that counts, now i just have to move on and find someone worthy.
@dano: i’m here
Iv recently left my fiance of 4 years, its been 2 months and he has a gf already.. I miss him like crazy and the thing is we have 2 children together so i have to talk and see him every weekend.. It hurts.
@Pauline: Your relationship can be made to work if both of you put in the effort. Both of you should think of your relationship as something that has great potential provided that you give it the work and maintenance it requires. Understand that you can learn to communicate. You say that you are quick to anger but you can change that. While there are better ways for your ex to respond when you get angry, I have to credit him for not matching your anger with equal anger. There is plenty of information on the web on anger management. Find it and act on it. I have sent an email to you with a file attachment. It spells out a set of “rules of engagement” that couples can use for dealing with conflicts. It says that it is about how to apologize, but I think it is really about how couples should behave in difficult situations. Both of you should read it. Your ex will learn a better way of coping than passively waiting for you to calm down.
So in summary:
For you – do some research on anger management and act on it. Changing this happens gradually over time. Each time you react it should be less intense than before. Taking baby steps is key.
For you and him – read the file attachment that I have emailed to you. It may seem like an artificial way to behave but it works.
@Jaimee: Of course you can move on. The fact that he cheating on you means that he is not worth your love and even if you get back together what guarantees he wont cheat? i think you should pull yourself together and concentrating on finding someone who trully deserves you and wont cheat on you.
@robsi: This guy does not deserve you, you are too good for him. I think you should try to move on and find someone worthy of your love.
I have just ended my relationship with a guy i have been dating for almost an year. We had an argument although it was over a petty issue i got agree and broke up with him, we argue alot. I still love him but i do not want to live a live full of arguments. He is not a bad person at all and he understands i am quick to anger and if i get angry he just keeps quite and waits for me to cool down. We do not communicate instead we argue. I really love him and am confused if i should just move on or get back with coz he also claims that he is also so hurt because of our break up.
Please advice me on what to
My so called boyfriend is been hurting me every now and then and i don’t know why am i not able to move on. The moment he comes infront of me just cant get angry on him, u know the best new year’s gift for me is he has disappeared without any explanation, he gave me a rose on the 1st and since then his number is switch off and he’s no where around. i called his friend to ask if he is fine and yes he is all good,,,,,i dont know wats going on he has done this twice before and he did promise he wunt repeat it, is he finding a way to go back,,and If he calls up do u think i should talk to him….??
@dano: hi dano! Just be careful and have a time off because it’s not safe! Take care!!!
@Briannaa:
Briannaa, I was also bestfriends with my ex-boyfriend. We decided to have the relationship despite all the fights we had, and it ended with me cheating on him because the fights ate at the soul of the relationship. It all depends what the fights are about and how serious they are. How he treats you afterwards? does he throw it back in your face? What do you see at the end of this relationship? how serious do you want it to be? Could you seek professional help to deal with the fights, so you can communicate better with each other to minimize them?
My boyfriend of 8, 1/2 yrs. broke up with me after two months of finding out that I have cheated on him. I know I totally screwed up the relationship all by myself. But when I was having affairS with others for a period of 14 months, his promise of being with me forever was not there. I could not depend on his word. It was too painful. Later I found out that we were on totally different pages and had different ideas of the state of the relationship. He’s agreed to see couples therapy, but is only doing it before I asked him to. Is that okay? He says he wants out because he can’t trust me ever again, and doesn’t know how therapy can help that. I’m so hurt. I know I put myself in this situation and it’s all my fault, but I don’t know how to move on from this. need help please.
I’m going through a horrible break up right now and it feels like its wiping everything out of me, ive been friends with this guy since elementary school, We just recently had a baby in April 2011, been together for three yrs, Hes just really confusing, one minute he hates my guts and calling very rude names the next hes at my door, and it happens all over again. I just don’t know what to do anymore i love him more than anything but i cant deal with a break up every 2 mths, but i cant see my self telling him no.
I am so so so stupid for letting her go just because for another girl that was never been mine.. She ask for reconciliation but i did give her a chance… now i am suffering coz i realized that shes all i need… i really love my ex. … It’s been 2 years since our broke up but still she is fresh in my mind.. Soon she’ll be in a relationship.. There’s Nothing i can do. Itry everything to win her back but it doesn’t work… hhuhuuhuhuh
After reading this , i felt a little better . My bf broke up with me in September from a 4 month realtionship . We are currenlty bestfriends & talk all the time . But , he says he still loves me & i still love him to . He is obsessing over my life . Hes all i think about . I cant just stop talking to him because hes my bestfriend . but , we fight all the time . & he said it wouldnt work because we fight to much . How do I show him that we can make it work & were ment to be together? Please help , i cant do this anymore!
@kringle:
Being busy helps a lot.
My fiance also broke up with me after being together for 3 years and 3 months when i finally moved to america from europe (but a few states away from him). He was the world for me. It’s being 4 months now but It seems that it was a few days…it is the worst pain I have ever felt too
Thank you for the article. It really helped. I had to break up with him because I heard from someone else that he was saying mean stuff about me and was cheating on me. I got mad and called him. Later I found it that it wasn’t even true. These girls had made it all up. But when we were on the phone he did admit that he was kind of cheating on me. The girl was in Spain so it didn’t matter that much. He asked me how I could ever think he would say those mean things. I feel bad for accusing him, but he was also cheating on me. It is hard to move on. Also the fact that we both have a lot of the same friends and me and his sis are really good friends. I just wish it would all stay the same. I feel like I can never move on.
I have been dating this guy since last year November…He lives in another town but we make time to see each…he has stopped calling me or bothered to see me but I do try to call him he doesn’t pick up…but the funny thing is that when I try to call him with another number he picks up and acts like nothing is wrong…I love him…my love for him is growing everyday I don’t know what to do anymore…please help??
i walked in after putting in 10 hours at work my girl aka babymom in the bed with a dude i wanted to ..ll them both and it hurt like hell everyday i was depressed as hell ,but everyday is getting better for me. I had to move on for my best intrest. move on baby dont waste ur life waiting on him do u and have some fun!!
my girl broke up with me a week ago, it was a 4 year and half of relationship, she said that she needs to learn thkngs on her own as I was always there whenever she needed me, she said she wants to know the things tht she can do without me, told me that she dont want me out of her lifr but she broke up with me, she said she’s confuse with that fact, till she admitted that she’s liking somebody, she said that guy ua not the reason but wht she wants is to know what is .. i dont know what to think, till the end he keep kn saying she loves me but she’s leaving me to fibd herself .. am not trying to get her back as she said that she needs it, i dont kmow what to think, i love her so much and mh everyday is like hell thinking why shes saying she loves me but then left me.
my gf broke up with me after 1 yr and 2 months. at the start of our relationship i lost her trust and tryed making it up ever since till now but she wont get over it. she loves me so much and all but when we fight it comes up again until now she doesnt want us anymore. we were so madly inlove and im finding it hard to believe she doesnt want the relationship anymore since we have been fighting for almost 2 weeks now and there are guys speaking to her and shes talking in return which makes me so angry and do stupid things. despite loosing her trust i went to the extremes to make it up. i dont know wat to do
Thank you for the best advices of how i am able to move on from depressing past relationship , i love her so much and my life now is slowly getting worse , my study is also affected and my life today is about to be ruined and i am now looking for many ways if how i can survive from this destructing experience until now i am always thinking of her i think that’s the reason why my heart doesn’t forget her anymore ..i hope i can ……and also thank you for the editor of this article more power …..
@Shifty – You’re welcome.
Breakup hurts so much. I went through a breakup about 6 months ago. It still hurts. When you lose the person you love and you’re best friend it really really hurts. Thanks for the article.
thnks a lot for the article..just like others im still suffering from this tragic scenario of my life..i hope this eventually past away it may takes time but somehow may works..i really appreciate and God bless
just ended it my by ex, many reasons but the main was the ammount of contact with the mother of his child, overly friendly which made me paranoid. Any way i ended it and it was one of the most hardest things ive done, regretted what i did and tried to fix it. he said he didnt think we could, so we decided to be just friends. Im finding this even harder than the split because were in contact but its really cold and distant, so its apparent that for me to move on i need to have no contact else im thinking that there could be some hope:(
Thanks for the advice. I really need it. I love my girl but i just cant b with her she a slut. I lover her but I must move on!
I live in USA and my bf lives in Australia. I broke up with him 4 months ago out of anger because I felt he was drifting away and avoiding me. He kept repeating that he doesn’t want to break up and that he will regret it later if he lets me go. We tried to keep in contact ever since the break up but it’s getting worse and worse. He doesn’t call, email, or skype like when he used to. I would ask why and he just doesn’t answer me why he won’t want to see me on skype. He said he doesn’t know how to explain it why sometimes he shuts out like that but I don’t understand at all. I’m confused and frustrated and so I broke it off again and he’s just not replying back to me. He tells me one thing.. but all the things that he does is the opposite. I questioned if he’s lying or perhaps have someone else over there and he once got mad at me not trusting him and secondly he avoids the answer if there is someone else there. He keeps prolonging the time of us seeing each other.. it’s either money issue or his work schedule. I have been trying to let go for the past 4 months and so far I find myself still lingering over him.
@Antoin Dont feel so much depreesed about that for you its only 2 months, for me its after 10 years of relationship. I never believe this will be happened to my life. I never did anything wrong in our relationship but still i dont know the reason why she broke up with me. So don’t feel regret of it just think it is a slice of life. Our life is long. I beliesf in this idea” Live Well, Its is the greatest revenge for those who hurt you and avoided you”. I think it is applicable for all, And think that he\she doesn’t deserve to be with you.
@Ray – Yes, it is a perfect time to explore the world. I did a similar thing when I was in my twenties. Good luck.
I moved from Australia to Germany for my girlfriend and three months later she broke up with me. So now I am stuck in a country where I’m constantly reminded of her whenever someone speaks German. Sometimes I think about going back to Australia but I’m 21 years old and this is a perfect time for me to learn more about the world. I still really love my ex. I have been reading articles on How To Get Your Ex Back, and different things like this. I don’t have any support in this country so sometimes it does get really hard. But this experience can only make me stronger. I feel its good for me. I am just going to take each day as it comes and hopefully one day she will realise what she has lost…
I just broke up with my girlfriend a week ago. We’ve been together for 2 years. The point is, i regret with what i did at past and always find ways of cheating as she was so patient-fully forgive me and still cares about me. She is the best but now she’s gone with other guy. Maybe this is called as ‘karma’ and now I realized she is the best and i love her so much. If i could reverse the time I WOULD LOVE TO. This is a precious lesson for me so no more hurting a person who loved me so well and replied them by bad things.
@Antoin: If you don’t mind my saying this, don’t wait for the pain to go away before moving on. You want to do it the other way around. Work on moving on in order to get over the pain.
My girlfriend dumped me 2 weeks ago. While it was only a 2 month relationship and only saw each other on weekends due to a 90 minutes distance, we connected so well and it was very passionate. We never had an argument or a problem (which is not always good) We were “climbing the mountain”, making our way to a truly loving relationship, having covered a lot of ground. She had met my family and i was to meet hers very soon. I was at her place 2 weeks ago, and after spending a wonderful weekend together she ended it with me out of the blue. There were no tell tale signs. I didn’t see it coming. I was in shock. Her reason was that she didn’t like me as much as she did and couldn’t see a future with me. I believe her when she says there’s no other guy involved. I’ve never been in so much pain in my life. I’m already a depression sufferer, although she never really saw my “sad side” as she always made me happy. So it went from phone calls and texts each day to absolutely nothing now. This might seem weak, but i just can’t see myself getting over her. Our relationship was built on positiveness and great times. We had plans and i can’t stop thinking about her. The pain is simply too much, where I’m questioning the meaning of life. This has hit me hard! I’m happy i found this site. There’s some good advice given in both the article and comments. If the pain can go away, just might be able to focus on moving on.
I have been in love with someone for almost 2 years. It’s almost 4 months pass since I last talked to him. He probably forgot about me already. But not me. Since then I’ve had a few men ask me out but I said no to them. I don’t think I can bare another relationship because before meeting my recent ex, the man before him, got 2 women pregnant behind my back and blocked me out of his life. When I met my recent ex, he completed me. I was there for him emotionally (not physically because it was a long distance relationship) when he lost his job, his mom wanted to kick him out, when he stopped going to school……..I saved enough money to see him finally in real life, and it was amazing. But……he decided to get on my fb account, out of curiousity I guess and was hurt what I said to my bestfriend A WHOLE WEEK AGO. I told him how it wasn’t my final decision and it was even out of frustration, I got so mad I just blew up on him. I wish he would at least apologize to me. I’m doing everything to move on, hang out with friends, watch movies, work more, etc……its hard. Making new memories is easy, but there are only a few that are truely worth remembering at least for my opinion. Reading everyone’s relationship problems make me feel less lonely. Thanks guys.
Thanks for dis advice., hope it can help me.., i dont really know how to move on because i love her so much..,
@anonymous – Stay busy with friends and work and focus on what’s good with your life. If you have a streak of independence in you, now is the time to embrace it more. You can allow yourself to be selfish now. Enjoy it.
I just broke up with my boyfriend today. I’m so deeply in love with him but it’s one of those situations where it just doesn’t work out and that’s the worst part about it. Although I love him, I guess we weren’t meant for each other. Here comes the grieving. I don’t know if I can get through it, but here’s the first day of the rest of my life I guess.
Hi Grace. I’m sure people have said this to you before but it is so true. Most of your life is still ahead of you and there is so much to look forward to. Wishing you the best.
I just ended my 6 year relationship with my high school sweetheart I’m 20 years old. This is the hardest thing I have ever done, I felt like it had to be done. I’m so sad and scared I have never been on my own before he grew up with me he was my first boyfriend my first everything. This really helped me thankyou so much. Im going to make it I can do it
@ATOMIC: Good luck to you.
ID LIKE TO THANK U FOR THIS ARTICLE, IM GNA TAKE YOUR ADVICE AND USE IT HOPEFULLY I WILL BE ABLE TO BELIEVE IN MA SELF AND MOVE ON AGAIN
@kringle:
hey there i know how that feels i live in ontario and my ex now lives in ohio we did this for a year and a half.. we have been broken uo for three weeks now and its killing me! i did sine hurt yet so did she, i keep being told its for the better but some how i dont belive it.. i know ill pull though but i dont know how long its gonna take! all we can do is be strong!
Rob
this reply made me smile!
@Arjay – Some are lucky but most work at it until they get what they want. Take care.
Me and my gf broke up last nyt,and man it sucks!! As I saw and read all the comments ot seems all of us are having a bad relationship,non of us gets the person o our dreams some are lucky some are worst as samn hell,that we want to suck them dry out,hahaha… Hey marc thanks for this article now that b!+(}{ lost someone who love her…
My boyfriend break up with me. I’m begging him to stay but he doesn’t listen. I really can’t explain the pain i have inside right now. I’m always thinking about our memories together. It really hurts. even my study get affected. I dont know what to do, how can i start again? Our final mock board exam is fast approaching and i need to study but i can’t focus.
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guys i was in a relationship with my bf for 2 years and he stopped calling and i asked him wat was wrong and if he does not love me any more his response was that if i found some one else its fine with him and i must not make my mistakes his
so i am trying to forget about him
Yea brake ups sucks especially when that person makes u believe that they love u nd u ment something to them but life moves on u cnt always be sad. If that person didnt make u happy then there is some 1 out there that will. Dnt give up on ur self is not ur lost is there lost so live life like it should be lived and thats with love.WHAT DOESNT KILL YOU MAKES U STRONGER!!!
i hope the pain would go away its not working for me
this pain of knowing she likes someone else
makes my sadness even more painful than it is
Yeah maybe part of it is my fault too, i was asking too much at the beginning without realizing that it all need a lot of step to be committed with some1. Hopefully in the next relationship i can enjoy the moment, by not thinking too far ahead.
Thanks for ur suggestion Mark ! its really make me think out of the box!
@ evi – There are issues to be resolved before you would ever want him to make a commitment to the relationship such as why he’s lost interest in you or why he is taking you for granted. If he calls, you will have to judge his sincerity in wanting to make the relationship work. This means treating you right. If you sense that things will just be the same as before then don’t go out with him.
Most men are very slow at moving their relationships on to the next level. Things need to progress slowly enough so that they don’t feel trapped or pressured. They need to feel that the woman is right for them and that the time is right. There are ways to nudge them along by making them feel that you are the one for them but this doesn’t mean giving him everything he wants. It also doesn’t mean forcing him into it by asking for a commitment.
@t.a – Grieving is an uneven process because you can be feeling fine one moment and then something can trigger it the next. Intense focus on your education will help. Time is also a great healer as well. All the best.
i just broke up 2 days ago. A painful 1 for sure. I started the conversation about our feeling. After 8 months relationship, i felt that he is not into me anymore. like u describe. He was not kissing me anymore when he should. He become ignorance, stuff like that. But it kinda shock me that he said he cant commit to the relationship. he said it just him. in fact before i start r/s wif him, i already said out loud. I want to be commit and if he cant then better not to start. but there it is, a man is always say a BIG YES for what they try to get! Its really hurt. but what can i do, even it sad, i know to end this unhealthy relationship is gud for me in the future. How if he wants to see me. what sud i do? thanks
hi i broke up with my boyfriend 3 months ago still think about him but what really hurts is that he is married and he was cheating on me as well. i really loved him but i realised he’s not worth it and i’m moving on with life and focusing on my education because he got me distracted. in short the grieving process sucks and i’m not sure if i’m still grieving coz it’s a rollercoaster of emotions
Hi Alia. You were right to leave him. Extreme jealousy can result in physical abuse. Love should not come at the price of living in fear and being restricted and controlled by another person. You enjoyed life before meeting your boyfriend and you will enjoy it again. If you should ever find that he is stalking you, you must take it seriously.
i never trusted to anyone, but he made me open to him and i fell in love so deeply. My bf became a world to me and he loved me so much, ive never felt so happy and loved. But he always was jealous to other people, even my parents or relatives. Told me hes tired be second best. And he was always attacking me if anyone even looked at me, because i work as model. Even when i did nothing and loved him so much, he attacked me untill hysteric. When we talked only about us-everything was like a fairytale, when i was talking about other people- he made a scandall. I couldnt even go out, left work for him… We had just now our last scandall because i wanted to go visit my sister. And i broke up with him, i cant do this anymore. And i wish i got rid of this feeling fast, because i love him so much. But this love not even healthy, when i even dont have a right to see my family. Guys i know, now trying get closer to me since i left my boyfriend, and its annoying me so much, i love my boyfriend, and how can i get through same pain ever again? i love my david, looks like we are both addicted but going back to him isnt right desicion. I hope tips will help me to get over
hey its been 4 month since me and my 2 years and half girlfriend break up… at the beginning i didnt feel that much pain because i always believed that we will get back togather in someway or another, we broke up because of her dad never accepted me, since they are verry very rich and am not… for 2 years we stood against his well to put us apart and the only 1 that approved on me was her only brother who accepted meeting me to talk about how to convince his dad to accept me … i had midterms in uni so i wasnt able to actually meet him so after finishing my midterms her brother had a bloodclut in the brain which led to his death … my story should be made as a movie .. moving on after his death her father was impossible to even talk to …. after loosing his only son which left behind him 3 young daughters age 6,9,11 so my gf is now in charge of taking care of those kids since way before her brothers death her divorced his wife because she was cheating on him so she cant come close to the kids no more … point being … i lost someone that ment the world to me just because am not filthy rich … now everytime i try to get her over her something inside of me stops me and holds me bk .. even thu there is nooo way we can get bk togather …
@*shawn: Hi Shawn. You need to decide if you want to be with her or not and shouldn’t take too long on this. You say she decided in her own mind that it was over but wanted to leave it up to you to say it. Maybe you are right about this but you don’t this for a fact. It is very dangerous to make decisions based on what you think another person is thinking. You should find out for sure.
If you decide you want her back, you will have to discuss the racial issue with her and how it would actually impact your lives. How we think things will turn out and how they actually turn out can be two different things and depends on our levels of optimism or pessimism. Pessimists tend to limit their options in life while optimists actually cause good things to happen to them. There is a lot of truth to the saying that you never know until you try. Good luck.
@mj: Hi mj – Sorry my reply is so late. From what I understand, he had to move back to his parents home (because he is out of work?) and also had plans to marry you this month (August). If he doesn’t have a place to live and has no job, then it wouldn’t be a good time to get married. Perhaps the stress was too much for him. If so, you may want to contact him about this and delay your marriage plans. Getting married is stressful for many people in the best of times but when it is added to the stress of having no work, it can be too much. In any case, the pending marriage is making him reevaluate your relationship.
@Kate: kate I am going through a very tough time similar to you this is the hardest thing I have ever had to face and it becomes unbearable thank you for your prayer x
I recently broke up with a girl I have been seeing Alittle past two months… I know two months is a short period but we both shared an unbelievable connection… It wasn’t even sexual, it was an emotional tie we both had…. I’ve never in my life experienced this feeling. We would spend countless hours on the phone and we would see each other every night… However she had concerns she expressed.. one being that she didn’t know if she could be in a interacial relationship… But all things considered we still had a great time together… Then after a trip she went on, she came back different. Acting distant, always busy…. So I can’t take it anymore and I let her know I can’t do this…. The problem I have is I feel she never wanted to outright say its over and put me in a position to make a choice….. Ever since then I can’t stop crying…. I’ve never felt so sad in my life….. I don’t know what to do…..HELP
if it is that he wants to leave how do in turn deal with this we were to get married in august. And i discovered when we out together he looks a other females and this happend all in the past 2wks.he drove my car now that its broken he just parked it nd gave me the keys same with other stuff that was ours whilst we were living together if its broken or it cnt be used he drops it off at my moms place.whats going on in his head? Im working at this relationship but now it seems i am the only one.i committed myself to this man that now goes to the ultimate to reject me in everyway. The reason for me sounding so confused is that this is the man i want to marry and build a family with we both have been through hell together and now it seems to him as though it never existed that i ,we,us never ever existed
please i need help! I was with hm 4 5yrz from that 5 we lived together for 2.last month we both had to move back to parents home coz my work contract expired i couldnt find work in time anyway we discussed how this affect our relationship an agreed that we both got a second chance to do things right and we can start focusing on building on our relationship and make it stronger well just over 2wks ago he said he needed space i could not undestand why then hrz turned into days and he just calling me nd communicating with me yesterday he said he wants to break up i still dnt understand whats going on… He says he’s scared of seeing me in his future(btw we were engaged) and he doesnt make eye contact, physical contact or even something as holding my hand-i dont know what do dont know what to think he just changed in a matter of days and he tries hes best to say things that hurt me i dont what is going on all i know is im hurting like hell. We both mature adults why is acting this way
@evan: Even if you don’t feel like it, get out with some friends or family. It doesn’t matter whether or not you’ll enjoy yourself just get into the habit of doing this. At the very least, you will get some distraction from the pain.
now u understand ur mistake rite let it go. one day she will understand u . she will come back. but it will take time.
just forget her . like bad dreams. just move on from her
I can barely take this pain I’m in depression I haven’t slept I haven’t eaten I’m just staring at the walls secluding myself
My gf have just ended our 4 yrs of relationship. and it really hurts, she was my world she even removed me from her facebook friends.
whenever i remember the happy times that were together my head is like going to explode. this really sucks. well this is my fault in the first place because i made her dominate my world,my life…
viols – I’m sorry to hear about that. It’s better that you are learning this about him now before getting married.
hi,
my relationship right now is uncertain. i have a long distance relationship.we have known each other for more than 2 yrs. just only this may he went here to meet me and already proposed for a marriage. he bought an engagement ring for me and said that we need to process my papers so that i can live in his country. he was so perfect for me.he’s a kind hearted person, down to earth, very supportive in everything and sweet.when he went back home in june he then met a couple, a girl is filipina just like me. he often told me about her. he said that he wants us to be friend and he likes to have filipino friends so that when i get there i wouldnt feel homesick.
but after that i have noticed some changes in him for such a very short time. we seldom talked, he never texted me or answer my emails. even if we talked, only for a short minute and she was only most of the topic. then i was beginning to get jealous, i know that he hates the idea of me being jealous. then one time i checked on his facebook and my heart was full of pain and jealousy. i dont even have any pics on his acct but just only the pics of her and him. seems very happy and some sweet comments. i made a short comment like ” i see that’s why u’r busy” i know its wrong for me to do that but due to my emotions i couldnt help myself not to do it. then after that he already blocked me with his acct. doesnt want to talk to me and even avoiding me and he texted me once and told me to give him time. right now, im trying to cope up with this terrible emptiness im feeling. im still hoping that its not all ended yet between us. i love him so much and i considered him as my future. just couldnt believe that it will happen so fast and he can really do it. all i do right now is to search and find an answer how to deal with what i am going through and how to be happy again . thanks
@kari: me too. I had to unfriend her on Facebook because her pics all hugged up with her new fiance is like her taking a knife and thrusting it in my heart everytime i see it.To make things worse, she poke me so that i can see it.
Thank you for those words Katherin. I’m sure that you will do well.
I ended the relationship with my boyfriend a few days ago. I know in my heart that it was the right choice but my mind sometimes tells me otherwise…because I do miss some things about him and what we’ve been through. But there were unhealthy aspects to the relationship. He also lived a few hours away so I saw him seldom. There came a point a few months ago where I seemed to have lost those wonderful feelings I once felt for him. I hung on to the thought that they might come back but they didn’t. I couldn’t pretend anymore; not to him or my self. I thought I was in Love but I have realized that it was only an infatuation. My attitude about this break up is rather optimistic. I do believe in God and I know that this was God’s will for my life…to have experienced the relationship and make the choice to move forward…and I wouldn’t trade it for anything to have gone through it. It was holding me back and blocking me from what is most important. Of course there are times of pain and sorrow but there are more moments of relief; that I was able to make the right choice, though not easy, and know that I can and will get through this. What I read here has helped because although I know, I must be reminded constantly, that I am not alone. None of us are. So it gives me hope. And I know the sun with shine out all the clearer. Patience and acceptance! May all you who suffer from this pain know that the light will shine again, and we will only be stronger from experiencing and going through; for the only way out, is through. Thank you.
Thank you Kate.
I broke up my boyfriend a few months ago, but we kept in touch once in a while till last week, still hoping. We were good friends for four years, he insisted on starting a relationship and I agreed…even though was afraid of losing a friendship as well.. I cared and loved him..but we’re not on the same spiritual level. My family did not approve of him, and I know I’m free to choose but my family’s opinion is important to me. I come from a conservative old fashion home…I’m ready to settle down and marry the person I love, but he still isn’t and wants to take his time. I’m being led by God’s word and finding someone who is devoted to God…but can’t help loving and missing him. We’re not talking and resents me for not living life as I please without anyone’s opinions..It’s so painful when I think about him and what we shared. I just pray for comfort and hope not just for me but for everyone else here who has heartache.
@chance:
Thanks chance this is the type of woman i was with.
aeion – Take care.
My girlfriend broke up with me last may 25. I am having a hard time to moved on caused i really love her. We’ve been together for almost 2 years. Then one day she just told me she don’t love me no more. It really broke my heart. I tried to win her back. But i failed. And now I’m looking forward to forget all the pain i had. I know it takes time.. Thanks for the article. Yeah right life goes on. We all deserved to be happy.
@chance – This blog has software that filters out certain words. Hope you understand.
Don’t sacrifice anything for a girl who is f@#$%&g selfish.
@bheng_ross – You are very welcome. You know your own mind and I have no doubt that you will have a good and happy life.
Thanks for this article, it gave me some pointers before my decision happens. I am planning to have a break up with my boyfriend as our fights are happening almost everyday. I am just afraid for all the things that will happen after the break up… the bitterness, photos, places, all the memories etc. I just want to end the relationship to have peace of mind, I do wanna see myself arguing, fighting… We are going 4yrs now, but just thinking all the bad things (flirting with others, sarcasm, ignoring me…), I can really say that I can really move on, coz’ I don’t want to see my life miserable in the future, thanks again.
Hi Amber. You need to ask yourself if you want to be with him for the long term. Most relationships either come to an end or they result in marriage. So do you want to commit years of your life that you’ll never get back with him? If he really cheated on you, he may cheat again. If he didn’t cheat then he said it out of pure anger. If your relationship is full of big fights with lots of anger then you need to ask yourself if this is what you really want. Marriage with the wrong person can be pure hell and usually ends up in divorce. Divorces are messy especially when there are kids. You may not be thinking this far ahead but the truth about all relationships as I said before is that you will either break up anyway or you will get married. So you should think about what life would be like if you had to spend years of your life married to him.
Something else you should do is look up “signs of a cheating boyfriend” in Google. This should give you a better idea about whether he has cheated on you. Most people don’t move in with someone after only a few days of knowing them. If he really did move in with another girl, he would have been seeing her before the big fight he had with you.
well just got in a big fight with my bf and i tried so hard to get him back like i cried for days and also didnt do any thing the same like i used to i ran away from my problem and let it boil up in side untill ii went to a party and let lose then the next day i hear from him he had found another girl and moving in with her already i was like um okay then he told me amber the truth is i never loved you i used you the sex wasnt even great i didnt believe it i think he said to make me jelouse so yeah idk what to do now
Carlo – Sorry to hear. I hope it helps.
MY GIRLFRIEND JUST BROKE UP WITH ME..FOR ALMOST 2 YEARS AND 4MONTHS OF OUR RELATION..WE ARE HAPPY.. BUT SHE DOESNT LOVE ME. I READ THIS ARTICLE AND I WILL FOLLOW WHAT IT SAY I THINK IT CAN HELP ME TO MOVE ON…THE ERASE THE PAIN THAT BROKE UP DID. THX FOR THE ARTICLE I WISH IT REALLY HELP ME WITH MY PROBLEM..
dano – If this is endangering your life because you can’t concentrate, find someone that you trust with whom you can talk it over with in person. Guys don’t like to talk about this sort of thing but sometimes there’s no choice. I wouldn’t waste any time doing this. You may even want to get professional help if the pain is interfering with your job.
When you are doing your job, compartmentalize your mind and focus. I’m not a pilot but at one time in my life I was very much into rock climbing and sometimes got myself into some extreme situations. When I climbed, no matter what else was going on in my life, my thoughts were 100% focused on the climbing.
i just broke up with my girfriend she mean the world for me and this really been killing me inside, im in the navy im a aircrew and sometimes i cant even concentrated when im flying i dont know how move on is so hard and i really dont know how get over it?
Hi Shaf. I’m sure you will find love again. Getting out and doing more things will expand your prospects beyond where you work. If you don’t mind my saying this, try doing some Internet research on attracting guys. Initially it’s about body language that says you are approachable. Then when someone approaches you, if you think he’s cute then you will give him signs that you are interested. You can try searching on Google for “how to attract a guy”. Also try searching for “how to tell if a girl likes you” to get this information from a guys point of view. Over 3,600 people search for the term “how to attract a guy” every month on Google.
I just broke up with my boyfriends a few weeks ago. It was a long distance relationship. He’s my colleague based in anothe country so I still have to liase about work with him every now and then. We broke off because he wont settle down with me in my country. And I wish I could migrate to his country but my family wont allow. Though we are still friends, he likes to flirt or teases me. I told himI still love him. It broke my heart really bad when he told me to give other guys a chance. Frankly I never had a love this true and I couldn’t imagine having someone else. Because on top of it all, its hard for me to get to know new guys. And seems like I feel no guy actually wants to get to know me. He was the only one. I pray that God would lessen my heartache and find me true love again. Hopefully. =(
jhen – Take care.
thanks for this article, it helped me a lot. i am still in pain now. was broke last may 1. so it’s 1 month ago..and still feel pain, it’s really hard to move since he’s my best friend specially he’s my classmates. that means i will still see him and be with him everyday. we’re just in 1 room but didn’t have choice at all, am trying to move to another ..school but my parent’s didnt want to.. so no choice at all. i am not ready to see him… i still feel the pain it’s really hard to move on since we were togther everyday, every hour of our lives. but suddenly we broke up maybe this means we’re not meant to each other. as of now i’m trying to be strong.. i know one i will get over the pain..hopefully you guys do the same…life goes on, for everthing that happens there’s always a reason^^..
Av bn in d same prblm 2,i wonder hw i cn overcome it.
@kari – Couldn’t have said it better myself. Thanks for reading.
good article, brake ups do suck but maybe they werent the right ones for us as much as we want them to be. It’s the process of life and becoming a stronger person
i have faced the same problem , we were in a long distance relation, and she said she cant wait for me anymore.
Even blackhead removal requires some healing time. Good luck to you.
Break up sucks. Thanks for this article. It’s hard to keep busy because I just had a surgery done and can’t really go anywhere. I try to read a book but my focus keeps going back to thinking about “why things didn’t turn out the way I had hoped for us” … I wish this feeling that I’m feeling right now was a blackhead so that I could just take a pair of tweezers and pull it out from my skin!
Take care.
We broke up with my 4 years girlfriend about 3 months ago. And it made in pain for months now. I tried to be even friend with her, but she never accepted it. I was very in pain. Later she confessed that there is some guy courting her and she said that she want to help herself to love a man. The time she said those, it’s like my heart stop beating, and everytime i think of her, it’s like my heart was cramping in pain. Later on, i tried everything to forget her. NOw i tried to tour every nice places here in Philippines and keep myself busy as possible.
I have been though this kind of pain several times before and it will go away. It will take some time. Keep busy. The future is yours to make and love will come again as long as you stay active and optimistic about life.
Thank u for all tips nice article. I was on painful break up with my fiancee he broke up with me because he can’t go here at United State. We been 8 months. We already have a plan for our future but he just cant wait. That really painful cause he promise me that he always there for me but i think its not just for each other. I try to move on fordward and im getting hard time now I try to be busy at different things like school, my family and friends. I pray some day that I found love that he love who im.. Thepain so strong but ithink if accept the fact that we not for each other.