You have done a bit of soul-searching, done the time apart thing, dated some other women, and you’ve come to your senses: Things will not get any better than this. You made a huge mistake letting her go. And now, you want her back.
It is never too late to rekindle the love with your ex – but don’t rush and make any mediocre moves. You will need to do this right, and that means engaging an abundance of caution and confidence than ever.
Getting your ex-girl back is much harder than catching the eye of a new girl, but if you really want to reignite that old flame, there are a few things you can do to increase your chances.
Give her some space. Don’t start knocking on her door or calling her every two minutes. She will only pull further away from you. The amount of space you give depends on what happened while you were dating her. If you ended a serious relationship, you’ll need to give more space than you would if you had just dated a few times. Don’t chat with her friends or email her just to see how she’s getting along. In case you see her socially, be polite, say hi, but make it clear that you’re not bothering her. However, don’t give her too much space. If you leave her alone for long, that will give her plenty of time to move on.
Give yourself some space to reflect. Think about what went wrong. Sit down and ask yourself what you did to make you not want her. You have to make sure never to do it again. Do not date anyone else during the reflection period unless you are absolutely sure you want to go down that road again. Focus on self-improvement and work on not repeating any mistakes you made. Don’t pursue her until you’ve figured out what went wrong and know how to change it.
Are you worthy of her?
Your behavior showed some attractive traits that attracted your ex to you. However, these same traits could be unattractive to her. Men may be attracted by the physical beauty but women are attracted to traits. Forget about your traits and think of hers…you’re the one trying to get back to her. So, at this moment your traits don’t matter. Value her as much as you value yourself.
Some of our strongest memories are also painful ones. Often they involve fights with a spouse or a girlfriend over any of a number of issues. If fighting brings on so much pain, why do we continue to engage in them?
Chronic fighting doesn’t just happen to clueless couples who know nothing about resolving conflict. Sometimes there are wrong things about the relationship that invite constant bickering. Five of these are are discussed below:
No two people are alike so conflict is inevitable.
But the less compatible you are with your partner, the more differences you will have and these will always be a potential source of conflict. When two people are completely incompatible, the best that they can hope for is a relationship that is based 100 percent on compromise.
Some consider compromise to be a noble thing, but if your entire relationship and your life is nothing but a collection of compromises, it’s not much of a relationship or a life.
This is why getting to know that person you’ve started dating really well before getting into a serious relationship is so important. It’s rare that two people will have perfect compatibility, but at least they should have a lot of common ground.
2.) Relationship Isn’t The First Priority
There is a tendency in many of us to coast along. Once we have something, it’s a given, and we concern ourselves with other things.
The problem with treating a relationship this way is that it isn’t something that’s going to sit still for very long. If you aren’t giving your partner enough attention, boredom, resentment, and even loneliness will set in.
No one takes themselves for granted. Likewise, no one should take their relationship for granted because it is an extension of yourself. Without your partner, you are incomplete.
Some truths about conflict:
Conflict can do a relationship good or destroy it. It’s all in the skill with which it is handled.
Some of the greatest lessons to be learned come about as the result of conflict.
It forces unpleasant truths on us that we would not otherwise acknowledge.
Listening only to points of view identical to our own is intellectual incest.
The pain of conflict is often self inflicted. Your reaction is entirely up to you.
Make an effort to understand those who view things differently from you. You can understand someone without having to agree.
It’s easy to be kind, understanding, and compassionate with those who agree with you. Can you be the same with those who don’t?
3.) Past Baggage And Hot Buttons
The older we get, the more life experience we acquire. This is a good thing and a bad thing. Of course the good thing about life experience are the lessons that we’ve learned.
The bad, is all of the personal hurt that we carry around that we’ve never resolved. This causes us to jump to the wrong conclusions about our new partner’s behavior or about an innocent remark.
Too many of these hot buttons turns the relationship into an emotional landmine where one false misstep blows up to a fight.
4.) Too much stress
When we are stressed out, our body secretes stress hormones. These make us more likely to react first and think later. We become less patient, less giving, less thoughtful, and more likely to react negatively to any irritant. Under these circumstances it’s all too easy to take out our pain and frustration on our partner.
Money may not be the root of all evil but it’s a common reason for discord among couples. It’s not the amount of money one has that fuels conflict. Rather, it’s differing ideas on how it’s to be spent or saved. Coming to an understanding on this, developing a plan and sticking to it is vital.
Minimizing fights and arguments starts just before your relationship becomes serious when you should be looking for points of compatibility. Once your relationship becomes serious, take good care of it like you would yourself.
Be aware of your own emotional baggage and don’t allow it to color your view of the world. Too much baggage severely restricts your enjoyment of life. Get help if you need it.
Finally, stress and money management are important skills to master. Money in particular should be dealt with in an up front manner.
If handled in the right way, most breakups don’t have to be final. The fact is, couples are getting back together all the time.
The bad news is that many breakups remain permanent. Often because they were handled badly by one or both of the partners.
Because the heart often takes the driver’s seat in a break up, people will go with their gut instincts.
This makes them do things that worsen the situation. Here are five tips to get you started on the right track.
1.) Control Your Anger
When anger takes hold, it is very hard to contain especially when your partner is telling you it’s all your fault. Venting your anger or trying to prove that your partner is wrong will make the break up a very messy affair. You don’t want to reinforce her decision to leave you by bringing on more bad feelings. Don’t give her more reasons for leaving you. Doing so will make it much harder to get your girl back.
2.) Don’t Give In To Fear
Fear and panic impairs judgment just as much as alcohol does. Fear preys on your insecurities and makes you do a lot things that aren’t very smart. I don’t mean this as an insult because it happens to everyone in very stressful situations. Desperation can cause some people stalk their ex, send endless text messages, or make phone calls at any time of the day or night. While making contact with your ex at some point is vital to getting her back, it has to be made at the proper time and carefully planned. This isn’t going to happen if you’re making these calls while in a state of panic.
3.) Don’t Devalue Yourself
Devaluation is a lessening of worth. Many of us tend to lose respect for people that try too hard to make us like them. Begging her to come back, pleading that you’ll do anything she says, or getting down on your knees and professing your undying love will turn her off. She knows you are just saying this to get her to change her mind. It also makes you appear weak. These are not the actions of an attractive, strong, and confident male. This doesn’t mean that you should insist on having everything your own way. Compromise and being reasonable is necessary but it must be done in the right way.
4.) Don’t Shower Her With Gifts, Flowers, or Love Notes
This should not be your first response to the break up. This won’t resolve any of the core reasons for the break up. She will see this as a simple and transparent attempt at winning her favor and will make you seem desperate. A romantic gesture is only effective when it is made at the right time under the right circumstances.
5.) Logic And Debate Will Not Work
Relationships are about feelings and emotions, so you won’t get her back with logic or with debate. There is nothing more annoying than someone picking apart your arguments and trying to checkmate you into agreeing with them. This tactic will only lead an angry fight.
As was mentioned previously, getting back together is possible in many cases. However, this doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy. By following the above tips you avoid making it even harder. A complete step by step guide for the entire process called the Magic of Making Up is reviewed here.
A break up has to be one of the most devastating events that you can go through. Try not to worry too much, because if you’re following a good plan, you have a very good chance at winning her back.
T W Jackson’s guide, The Magic Of Making Up System sets you up with a plan. It is a comprehensive and solid manual about how to get your girl back and will guide you through the whole process from beginning to end. Because timing is everything, a schedule is given that outlines when a particular step needs to be done.
What’s most impressive is how extensive and practical the information is. Very few contingencies are left unturned. For example, how to get your ex to meet with you for the first time is covered in great detail. Questions such as: how is it done, exactly what you will say to her, when should you say it, what to do if she will not talk to you, are all discussed.
The Magic Of Making Up System gives these “what ifs” a lot of attention. Because of its thoroughness in covering your bases, it’s something of a long read. But the idea here is not to skim it but to take action by following it one step at a time.
Here is how it is laid out:
First, there is a section that gets you through the understanding stage. You will discover the core reasons why lovers separate. Without understanding these “love principles” you’ll be completely in the dark.
Next, you will work on “getting your head on straight”. You can not attract someone back when you’re feeling needy, depressed or angry. This section will deal with how to heal your emotional wounds. Things that most people do that you absolutely must avoid will be covered here.
Then, you will be shown how to assess your relationship. You need to understand the particular difficulties between you and your lover. Knowing this decides whether your relationship is worth fighting for.
Finally you will work the plan. This is the step by step strategy that is filled with proven tactics (3 of which are described below) that deal with all sorts of contingencies. There is one weakness here…you must take action on this information. Nothing can happen, unless you act. Otherwise, failure is guaranteed.
Tactics for coping with the challenges of winning her back are provided. Four of the most notable ones are:
The Fast Forward Technique
This is a 5 step process that’s repeated 2 or 3 times a day. It enables you to “shift forward” past the psychological pain of breaking up.
The Instant Reconnect Technique
This is a very clever psychological tactic that is simple to do. It’s a subtle way of triggering your partners subconscious into a kind of deja vu state…her subconscious relives the good times of your relationship. One thing that I can personally say about this one is that if someone used this on me and I later found out about it, I would definitely feel manipulated. Also, when I first heard about what it could do, it seemed like a ridiculous claim. But when I learned about how it was done, my reaction was “yep, I should’ve thought of that myself”. It’s so dead simple and obvious, that it’s almost boring. Never-the-less, it can be a very powerful and sneaky form of manipulation.
The Clean Slate Method
As the name implies, it’s a formula for wiping the slate clean so that you can give the relationship a new, fresh start. Unlike, the instant reconnect technique, it’s not a simple tactic. It requires that you develop a certain mind-set that some people will never achieve in their lifetime. Many adults are little more than children walking about in adult bodies. It’s surprising how so much of our defensive behavior revolves around “keeping the score even” and about “being in the right”. I have to say that this method can also be used in dealing with other aspects of our lives beyond simply winning your ex back. This one is profound and if one masters it, one becomes a better person, a true adult.
Second Chance Letter
With the abundance of practical advice, it’s very easy to overlook this bonus download of about 20 pages. This bonus explains how to write a “second chance letter” that can change her mind about leaving you. Included is a pre-written letter that you can use as is, or you can rewrite it in your own words if you so choose. A lot of psychology is woven into this letter, so be sure to check it out.
The Magic Of Making Up System is for the long term. There are no quick fixes that eventually backfire. These breakthrough methods are meant to bring lasting results to your relationship.
Wishing you the very best of luck.
Check out this video and find out what is the best thing to say after a break up:
Imagine you’re alone and want to start the dating game. Then you’re part of the shy group so going out meeting girls by yourself is out of the question. The most obvious thing to do then is to ask someone you know for a date. Not that you ask them to date you but ask them for someone they know that would most likely date you. Knowing a lot of people then gets handy. Knowing a lot of girls is a lot handier. This is because girls have girl friends in a bunch, in a magnitude seldom seen in guys, but that’s obvious already. So I rank who to ask first then the substitute if the previous comes dry.
1. Girl friend – the best bet. She knows girls, probably way more than you do. Plus she can prove to be a good matchmaker. She knows you well enough and she can pair you to a girl that she thinks will most likely be your type. She can even put in a good word for you. She’ll be like your marketing department minus the paper works.
2. Guy friends – they must know some girls. They should know enough girls for you to choose to the best of your abilities. Don’t forget to check #1 though, she’ll always be indispensable. Although you probably don’t have #1 since you’re putting your stakes on this folks. And don’t expect the best quality here, an unwritten rule states that why give you the best when I can have it for myself.
3. Sisters – like #1 but it will likely be her friend that she’ll introduce to you. Nothing wrong with that except that the choices are too limited and your sister will see you now as the guy that dates her friend.
4. Mom – you can always run to mama if you need something. But does this need count too? Well, if you’re that desperate then it is. The freaky thing is mom will always know what your type of girl is. They must have
chosen it for you when they conceived you, I don’t know.
5. Ex-girlfriend – an ex is always a nice start to know how well you fare with girls. If you’re a good ex, then she’ll probably give you one of her better friends, not her best because that could be too uncomfortable for her. If she’s a disgruntled ex then she’ll probably give you a dragon that will eat your head off.
Your dad could be a nice source too, but isn’t it weird to know that your dad know these girls? Your wife definitely doesn’t count. Just because you’re bored doesn’t mean you can make up strange requests. Mother-in-law doesn’t count too. They’re fierce enough in their natural state. If you want to gamble, do a Russian roulette. Your odds are better.