An Easier Way To Get Your Ex Back

If you are like many people who are trying to get their ex back, your strategy is probably to try to talk over the problem that caused the break up.

After all, it’s the logical thing to do. There’s a problem that needs to be fixed, so you fix it. Guys especially have this type of problem solving mind set.

get ex back
Photo by mikebaird.

This direct approach is the only game in town that works if you’re dealing with inanimate things such as troubleshooting a software bug, designing a bridge, or repairing a car.

But in the land of relationships, this is not the best way to go.

Even the most analytical and rational person is first and foremost, a creature of emotion. We all are, and our relationships are defined and dominated by how we feel about our partner.

In relationships, emotions will always, always, win out over clear rational thinking. So before trying to address the actual problems that led to the break up, you need to focus on improving your partners feelings about you. This means working on improving your connection with your partner. When you have achieved this, then you’ll want to focus on what brought the two of you together in the first place: love and passion.

If you’ve got enough passion going, you’ll find ways to overcome even the biggest of problems. Conversely, if there’s no love or passion, you will fight over the smallest of things and they will seem insurmountable. Many conflicts have more to do with how you feel about each other rather than the actual problem itself.

Emotional Connection Advice: 3 Tips

Make eye contact. Not any sort of eye contact will do because there are many different kinds. You don’t want to be glaring at your partner or squinting. You want to look at him or her in a way that is attentive, caring, and trusting.
Use the right tone of voice. Like eye contact, there are many kinds of tones of voice. To establish intimacy, use a soft, gentle voice. Speaking gently doesn’t mean speaking quietly. Avoid monotone because this will make you seem bored or disinterested. It will also bore your partner.
Don’t forget to touch him or her when you speak. Nothing is more effective at establishing intimacy than the power of touch.

So how do you increase your connection with your partner?

1.) Practice Empathy

When Your Partner Expresses A Grievance, You Need To Understand Where He Or She Is Coming From. Whether or not you agree isn’t the issue, you want to place yourself in your partners shoes and practice empathy.

By understanding why your mate feels this way you can communicate that understanding back to them. This will make him or her feel understood, that they are getting their point across. When your partner feels the barrier between the two of you melt away, he or she will start to feel a sense of connection with you again.

2.) Your Emotional State Is Important

If you are feeling hostile, angry, or any other negative emotion, establishing a connection will be impossible. These negative feelings are contagious and your partner will respond in kind starting a downward spiral. Remember that ones emotional state is communicated on many levels, such as tone of voice, body language, and facial expression.

3.) Match Your Body Language To Your Partners

This sends a subtle signal of being on their side which is received on an unconscious level. This technique is often used in interview situations but is also effective in connecting with your partner.

When you’ve succeeded in establishing a connection, negative emotions will calm down and barriers fall away. This opens the way to reawakening those feelings of passion again. Love will find a way to overcome the problems between you.

Looking for a proven method for winning back your ex, read my review of The Magic of Making Up.

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Tags: get back with my ex, how to get ex back, i want my ex back

Filed under break up advice by Marc

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Comments on An Easier Way To Get Your Ex Back

Sean @ 10:11 pm

@Marc: Thanks!! This really helps alot and you should write a book or something to help guys like me out cuz u are really good at this type of stuff!

Marc @ 6:20 pm

The prom may be an opportunity set things right. Do some research into “romantic prom night” and variations on this. Do things right and you may get things going again including that first kiss. The romance of the first kiss is especially important to women.

Sean @ 9:51 pm

I finally figured out wat i did wrong! She broke up wit me becuz i was too scared to kiss her! I tried when ever i would get the chance but i would lose my cool! I mean we have been only dating for 3 weeks! And u were right about women having timelines and expect things after a certain period of time! I mean ive kissed alot of girls in my life but when i met this girl everything changed! I have no idea wat im supposed to do! @Marc:

Marc @ 2:10 pm

Sean, the most likely reason is that she hasn’t found someone else to go with. The good news about this is that she’s probably not leaving you because of someone else because she would have gone with him instead. Notice that I’m using words like “most likely” and “probably” in my comment. This is just speculation on my part.

The prom is a big social event and many people don’t want to go through life having to admit to people that they never went to the “high school prom”. If the prom is important to you then you should go. It’s also an opportunity to sweep her of her feet which may change her mind about the breakup. With women it is mostly about how you make them feel about you, not about what they think about you.

The prom is not the time to discuss, argue, or negotiate about the breakup. You don’t want to be fighting each other in the middle of a public event. Also, if you are all awkward with her, or quiet, or hostile, then you will guaranty that the breakup happens for good.

Sean @ 3:58 am

Thanks this actually helps! But i have one more thing to add!! Eventhough we broke up she still wants me to go to prom with her and this confuses the heck outta me!! I mean why does she want to go to prom wit me especially when we broke up?!? I have no idea wat to do…. Should i still go to prom wit her or not?! And is there anyway to make it not so awkward when we see eachother in school?! Thanks for the help!! @Marc:

Marc @ 1:51 pm

@Sean: When she told you that you didn’t do anything wrong, either she feels that you should know what you did wrong and she shouldn’t have to tell you or she could be avoiding confrontation because she is afraid of hurting or angering you. The other possibility is that you really didn’t do anything wrong. This could mean a incompatibility issue.

When a woman says that a relationship isn’t going anywhere, she means that she doesn’t see any future in the relationship. This could be because the man has problems with commitment, or perhaps there hasn’t been any talk about the future, or the man has settled into a comfortable routine and the relationship is boring. Some women expect a certain timeline of progress to occur and feel that things aren’t going anywhere if the guy is proceeding too slowly. Another possibility is that she may feel that the man is incompatible with her.

You should have a talk with her about this to get her to open up. If you have to, go through the different possibilities mentioned above one by one. One last possibility is that she is just saying this to cover up something she doesn’t want you to know about.

Sean @ 4:20 pm

My girlfriends just broke up wit me and now i feel so crappy! She told me that she didnt see our relationship going anywhere…. I asked her wat did i do wrong and she said that i didnt do anything wrong… I really like this girl because she is special to me but i have no idea wat to do now!! Should just forget about her and move on or try to get her back?!?

sergio* @ 9:20 pm

Ive been with my ex for 1yr and 4 months and we recently broke up because how ive been acting like getting mad and getting jealous. i have a little trust in her since she lost most of it by leaving me for someone else and then coming back to me but now we are not together anymore and she says that she doesnt want to get back with me because of the arguments for no reason and that she losing feelings.. The thing is that if i try to stop talking to her i just cant and i always go back to her but i want her to chase after me and to tell me that she wants to be with me again. Me and her still talk as friends and hangout but we act like were still together but when i ask her if were together she says no.. but for some reason it feels like we are and that she wants to be with me again but at the same time she doesnt.. i just want to be happy with her and i really want to change myself because im the reason why we argue.. i just need help or advice from someone for this kind of situation because im tired of playing games and her messing with my emotions.. i just want her back because i really love her.

jb @ 2:31 am

lads, listen i know your all down but let me tell you something…we have to front like where the ones who dont need them trust me. Im going through a breakup with my gf rightnow and she pissed me the F*@k off. I cried, was depressed and wanted to beg her to come back. I relized, dont contact them and pretend u dont need them and they will come to you..TRUST ME. I did not contact her for 2 weeks and were starting to talk agian. my advice is play it like you dont need them, even tho we all want them back. show them they can bounce if the want too and you will be fine either way. DO NOT BEG, DO NOT CALL OR TEXT, DO NOT NOT NOT BE FRIENDS WITH THEM! when the contact, take a while to reply and give them answers that would come off in a way that shows she was never your gf. then when you guys start talking, arrange to hang, when u do, make it fun and dont bring anyting up. then near the end just straight up look her in the eye and be confident…tell her where u messed up and you see why she had to leave. tell her the breakup accomplished something cause you relized something

dee @ 3:20 am

Ok i understand how it feel to be in this iv been threw this many of times and am curntly going threw it right now iv got a way thats easyer then most others all info you find on this site and many others are infact true and relate to all of us im gonna leave a set that i use alot that always works over time;
! if she tells you she needs space/time apart ect. your probly going to
a. get mad n reason with hem or her
b. beg to her to take you back
or c.try to give her gifts
its not gonna work iv used this stratagy plenty of time after doing all the wrong things.after being told i need time apart i fought and beged and bought trying to get her back it didn work so i tryed some thing new and what do you no it work i simply tonlt her i was sorry about the way iv been acting and i understand she needed time apart and that i respected that and that no matter how much it hurt i would respect her by respecting that. by doing that it made her think and i didn speak to her for a few days and then she finaly talked to me by me saying that to her it confused her and flipped the tables to a hole new ball game and slowly but surely we got back together

Marc @ 1:08 am

@tyrone – I think your realization that not trusting her was a mistake is important and that you should use this insight in your future relationships as well. Each person that you meet should be treated as a separate case. Until they have actually cheated or left you for another man, you can’t assume or suspect that they will. Not trusting or not giving someone the benefit of the doubt at the outset will doom a relationship. If a person leaves you for another guy, no amount of distrust or control on your part would have prevented this anyway. On the other hand, if there was never any danger of losing her to another man, distrust and attempts at controlling her will only drive her away.

There is nothing you can do to MAKE her come back to you. What you can do is not burn any more bridges with her and remain her friend. With time, it may be possible start a NEW relationship with her. By this I mean a starting a new relationship from scratch where you use your charm and ability to connect with her emotionally. Whether or not this happens depends on circumstances and your NOT attempting to reestablish the OLD relationship.

There is no guaranty on getting her back because she may decide to move on and start seeing other guys, in which case, it’s her life and her choice. So remain friends with her but keep your options open with respect to other women.

tyrone @ 5:22 pm

me and my girl been going out for 9 months we both 18 and last week she told me that she lost feelings for me and she wants too go back to being best friends again becuase i get jealous, we fight, things felt like there weren’t the same anymore, and i never trusted her *BIG MISTAKE*. Now i understood what i did was wrong i want another chance but she wont give another because she told me their is so much a girl can take and she got tired of my BS. i have this sinking feeling that i could of prevented this from happening and i feel bad she still wants to hang out with me , but i don’t feel ready too be friends with her we actually have something special. The thing i am worried about is i don’t want her too take interest in the wrong guy even though she has no interest in none at the moment anything can happen… i known her for 5 years almost 6 …i want her back and i don’t know any other way to do so i need advice? …do i still got a chance ?